On Saturday night, Kristen and I went out to a lovely dinner with family friends, The Fortsons: Jack, Brenda and their daughter Monica (Shout Out!). As we were driving home, we stopped at a 7-11 for a quick get together with Kristen's BFF...48 ounces of Diet Coke. Quick because you should see her drink the thing (YouknowwhatI'msaying!!)
As we were in 7-11, we noticed a nurse in there that everyone was ogling. Not because she was an actual, I'm Choking Give Me The Heimlich Manuever Kind Of Nurse, but more the, I'm A Slutty Here Are My Boobs And My Dress Is So High You Can See My Butt Cheek And Who Is Heimlich Kind Of Nurse. This got Kristen to thinking...let's troll downtown and see what her generation is wearing. Oh, wait you mean
Slut O Ween? Done!!
We get downtown around 9:45pm, so it's prime costume time. We drive down Orange Avenue and see all sorts of costumes, guy dressed like Will Ferrell in Elf running through the streets clueless like Ferrell did, girl in a skimpy dress, guy dressed like a girl, Luigi, skimpier dress, Yoshi, Pirate, possibly a girl wearing her lingerie, a female cop that all guys would want to be pulled over for, a fat guy jumping up and down as a personal trainer, and a lot, and I mean A LOT of X-rated female nursery rhyme characters who we deemed Slutty Snow White, and Little Slut Riding Hood.
Kristen is loving the stroll. "This is great, I'm so glad we did this!!!!"
After awhile we had this exchange...
Me: "Honey, I keep seeing girls wearing really short dresses, with knee high socks. What is that?"
Kristen: "Oh, that's a Miscellaneous Slutty Costume"
It took 15 minutes to go a handful of blocks down Orange, and once we hit the end, we decided to go back and do it again. It was like we were kids riding Space Mountain for the first time, loving it, and wanting more, except this time without the puking.
Second time down there are a considerably larger portion of late teens and mid twenty somethings in their special garb. The men's consensus choice of costume...a convict. The women's consensus choice of costume...anything accentuating their breasts and butt cheeks. Not their butts, no, that's not enough. They want us to make sure we can see their underwear.
What surprised me the most was how much fun we had with this. I think this was our Halloween highlight. Not the little kids running around this Monday, but watching the young professionals of America literally hang it all out for all of us to see. You know you have shown your wife a cheap, entertaining time when you spend 45 minutes cruising through downtown, judging others and your wife says things like...
"Oh, Oh, Oh, look at that guy dressed like a girl. Guys dressed like a girl is ALWAYS priceless."
"Slow down, SLOW DOWN, I can't see behind the car next to us, Yes!! Another Slutty Pirate"
"Oh, I love it. A guy dressed like a marijuana leaf just walked past a police officer."
"ANOTHER SLUTTY BUMBLE BEE!!! This is FANTASTIC!!!"
The Future Of America. These Are The Voters For Our Next President. And we're ONLY worried about the economy?
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Reading back, as Entertaining as our 'cruise' was....it seems pretty judgmental. We just wanted to check out everyone's creativity. Trust me if I could pull it off I'd totally be a slutty wonder woman, GI slutty Jane or even a slutty Wilma Flinstone... No judgement here...way to go for working out and being thin enough to show your booty on Halloween! And who's to diss anyone having a good time...I'm all for that!
ReplyDeleteKris- I think you need to put your Brittany Spears costume on for Brian! This post made me laugh! Happy Halloween. Aubs
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