I thought I knew you...

The last two months I've been going through a very emotional time and it's difficult for me to talk about it, so please have patience and understanding as I talk my way through this.

I wonder if this is the right forum for me to express these thoughts, and ultimately I decided it is. The Internet is my friend and my best hope is that it will receive these feelings as genuine and true. In turn, my hope is that I will be received in a heartfelt way that will continue to help me move on during one of the most difficult times of my life.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're really good friends with someone? You laugh, you cry, you can't wait to see them again. Then, all of a sudden, like with the flip of a light switch or the snap of your fingers, everything is changed forever, that person acts, treats and looks at you differently. You don't know how it happened, why it's happening or if you'll ever get back to that same place. You hope that it gets back to "great times", and you continue to put yourself out there. However, you keep getting hurt, as if you've forgotten the recent trend of disarray. You're confused, you're sad, and then, you start becoming bitter. Bitter that this is out of your control, bitter that you feel you didn't do anything wrong, and bitter that someone you trusted and loved, has wronged you.

Yet, you keep going back...hoping...praying...wanting it to change. And in the end, it doesn't and you're left heartbroken.

This is how I feel about the show "LOST".

SPOILER ALERT*************

For the last six years, I have looked forward to my "Lost" date nights. I felt connected with Jack (the doctor), Kate (the criminal with the next door neighbor good looks), Sawyer (the bad boy), Locke (the old, disabled man miraculously healed on the island), Ben (the former villain turned...we don't know what side he lies on), and the rest of my "Lost"-ies.

Six years, I've devoted my heart to these characters and in the end, all I've ever asked for is entertainment, and a decent cliff hanger to make me yearn for next week's date. During the season finale, they leave me hanging so much, I wonder how I'm going to make it nine months for questions to be answered.

Six years ago, the creators of Lost left a bunch of people on a deserted island with many trials and tribulations to overcome. They've had to deal with a monster, the Others, the Hatch, multiple injuries and deaths, a nuclear bomb, all with the premise that those who had a vision for this show, knew from the beginning how it would end. So, I've been watching, and watching, and watching, wondering what's the climax...what's the meaning for all of this...why are they still on the island? What's the draw to this island?

For five years, I've loved every minute of the show. Great drama, lots of action, and mystery upon mystery loaded into our brains for us to come up with our own theories on what the show is about and how it's going to be solved.

Sadly, this is the last season, and we have a handful of episodes left and so many things are left unanswered...why did Kate see the horse on the island in Season 1? What about the Polar Bears? What do the numbers mean? How did the island disappear? Why was Lilly in the mental ward with Hugo? Who exactly is the Smoke Monster? How did Jacob escape the island and touch all the future candidates? What are the candidates vying for? That, and about 100 other questions. Problem is, they're not really answering a lot of the questions.

One week we'll see an episode devoted just to Ben. Next week just to Kate. Week after, Jack, then Sayid, then Hugo, etc., etc., etc. Here's the thing, I need things to start mending together and making sense, not more questions or flash sideways; I don't care about an alternate reality. I WANT ANSWERS!!! As you can see, this bothers me.

My reputation is on the line here. For years, I tried getting my brother Kevin to watch. Telling him it's the best tv drama I've ever seen. He poo poos it and "West Wing"s me. West Wing...good, but it's not Lost. For years, tried getting my mom to watch, she couldn't keep up. Finally, my fiancee Kristen aka "Sweet Heart" (cue all the women saying, "Awwww") threw me a bone and watched, and I love her for it. She holed herself up for three months in her house, and watched every episode of the previous five seasons. She wanted to know what went on, before the last year. Now, she has context.

See, you can't pick up Lost in the last year. Heck, you couldn't start watching in the third year. Either watch the first season or you're going to be very confused at some point, not knowing all the backstory. However, they haven't explained all the backstory, and time is running out. I feel like the guy with his head on the table, staring intently at the hour glass right in front of him, as the last remaining flecks of sand fall to the bottom. And I'm hoping that the sand will defy gravity so I can have more time. However, I'm not in outer space, so defying gravity will be an issue for me.

I've put all my trust into two gentlemen: Damon Lindelhof and Carlton Cuse, the two producers of Lost. They're running the show, and they've written the finale and they're happy with how it turned out. I hope they're right.

I don't know how I'm going to react when it comes down to those few remaining moments in the last episode. Are they going to Bob Newhart me and tell us it was all a dream? Are they going to Sopranos me and abruptly fade to black as if your cable was cut? I don't know. But, I'm growing more nostalgic, yet more mad at the same time. Nostalgia for I won't have my Lost date nights anymore. Mad for I wish this last season flowed better. I wish they didn't drag it out. I wish we all got more answers to the questions that have alluded us all this time.

The other day, I thought to myself "I bet Lost will mean so much more a few years from now, when we re-watch them on DVD. Then, we'd know all the hidden messages that just confused us the first time we saw them." Maybe our eyes will be opened to what the creators were trying to tell us in the first place. To be patient, and to just watch, remember the promise in the following week's promos: "Questions will be answered".

I hope they're right. I want to believe. They've just made it so hard.

I thought it'd go differently, like losing your best friend. You didn't know you'd lose them, they just kind of went away, abruptly. You thought you would have more time. You thought it'd have more meaning. You don't want to regret it. At the end of the day, you end up questioning, "Was it worth it?" I hope so. Otherwise, I want my six years back.