Thirty Four Days And Counting...

With the wedding fast approaching, there are still many things left to be done.

Meeting with the DJ and telling him Kristen wants to play booty shaking music the entire night. DJ and I talking her down to only the last hour or so. Cue all her girlfriends booing me and telling me it's her wedding she should do whatever she wants. To which I respond, "If you want to see my 89 year old Granny on the dance floor, 'Back That Thing Up' is not the way to do it."

Regularly going to SweetbyHolly to make sure the cupcakes are still good, and we're set on our order. That's my excuse. Weak, but I'll use it.

And, finalizing the seating chart. A couple nights ago, Kristen and I sat down and did the seating chart. Whenever anyone at work asks me how the wedding plans are going, and I tell them they're going, and we're getting closer, they always say, "Yeah, that last month or so, you have to do a lot of things like a seating chart", and they never remind me to do anything else. Why is that? Am I incapable? No, Honey, stop nodding your head.

So, when we banged out the seating chart, (my new favorite word that Kristen hates), it was a new experience for me. Here we have all these people coming to the wedding, and we get to dictate where they sit, and who they sit with for an hour or so. No power trip, but it's cool to see all these different groups of people all in the same room. All my family from New York. My childhood and college friends. All Kristen's family, as well as the "Sisters". The "Sisters" are her aunts and uncles whom I still have to meet, and I've been practicing by quizzing myself..."OK, Honey, your Mom has three sisters, Leslie, Patty and Kathy, Leslie lives in Massachusetts, Patty lives in DC and Kathy lives in New Jersey...did I get that?" And because I can't remember, sorry Sisters, she'll tell me yes or no, and I'm still unsure. If you see black marker on my hand wedding day, it's her family tree I wrote down. It's my own little game show. Classic Concentration: Sisters Edition.

After a half hour or so of us (mostly Kristen) giving input on where people should sit, I said, "Hey, Honey, this is fun! This is like having another fantasy draft. We have names, we have spots, fill the name into the roster (aka the tables), and we're set." She couldn't have shown less interest in my fantasy idea at that time.

So, we've (Kristen) been tweaking the list (influences from outside sources, aka "Mothers") and we should have the chart banged out soon. We're happy with it for the most part. We got family with family. Friends with friends.

You know what we should have done...gone totally off base. Throw names into a hat and pick them out. Have everyone on one big conference call.

"OK, at Table 10, we have...drumroll please..."

Kristen: "Stop with the drumroll, I've been doing it for an HOUR!!!"

"Your brother Matthew and his date, Alexa with...my 79 year old Aunt Clara and Uncle Phil. Granted, you've never met..."

And we'll make a website with everyone's faces, with the tables, little bio information, so people are info-d up before the day. This could be like a big speed dating event, except with couples. Random people meeting other random people, sitting down with them, sharing them their current life story, for a short amount of time, (Matthew: "So, Aunt Clara, I read that you have enough canned foods in your basement (they live in New York, there are no basements in Florida, that's called a swamp) to live off for five years in case of a nuclear explosion. How is that going?" Then, after enough conversation and food SWITCH!!! Dancing Time!!!

OR, we could have an auction draft (yes, most things come back to fantasy sports related ideas, hey they were very smart people and it's a billion dollar industry).

Same idea, conference call...

"Alright, the first couple to go up...who wants to sit with us, Kristen and Brian, let's start the bidding at $25..."

Then, we bring in the auctioneer, who speaks 125 words a second and it's some garbled noise with a few numbers...

"WHOSEGOT25IHEAR25WHOWANTS2525252525DOIHEAR252525ANYONEAT2525252525..."

And just have him go all night. The bids would go like this..."(automated voice) DING 25 FROM BILL AND LINDA BACHMAN...DING 30 FROM GLEN AND SALLY CUMMING...", and so on.

Then when we're done, whoever wins that bid, say SUPERMOH (Kristen's Super Maid of Honor, Megan) we would have four at that table. We open up the bidding to fill out the table at eight. If some people like how a table is forming, more pressure to get in.

"WHOWANTSTOSITWITHBRIANKRISTENSUPERMOHANDHERHUSBANDEDLETSGOAT3535353535DOIHEAR353535GRANNYBREAKOUTYOURWALLETANDGIVEME353535COMEONPEOPLEITSTHEIRWEDDINGGOHARDORGOHOMEIWANT35353535".

Everyone would get involved. There would be smack talk on the phone in between friends and family.

"Whoa, you got Kristen's brother Michael for $15, that's a steal. He BRINGS THE FUN!!!"

If you didn't bid, you'd sit outside. That would be my rule, which would quickly get turned down by my Soon To Be Bride, so I'd have you sit in the corner at the Shunned Table.

"No, I can't do that, either. Kitchen? No...fine, I'll come up with something."

I think this is a fantastic idea! Cue all the guys excitedly nodding their heads.

Money goes to charity, aka Our Honeymoon Fund! No, I'm just kidding. It'd go to the Tucker's Dinner Fund! Who wouldn't want to support that? That would get Best Buddy bidding whatever amount, if it benefits Tuck :)

Unfortunately, I didn't think about this early enough. Well, I guess it's back to traditional style If you don't like it, which you should we're all lovely people, blame me for not thinking about names in hat or auction draft sooner. This is a whole untapped market that laughed at now, will someday come to fruition. I just hope by that time, we're not the uncool people bidding on the cool table trying to fit in.

All in all, it's a wedding, it'll be fun. And besides, you won't care who is at your table when Kristen cues the DJ to play Usher "MY GOD" and all her ladies get out on the dance floor.