Yesterday, my mom said to me, "You know Brian...we haven't had a blog post in a REALLY long time." Nothing like getting called out by your mother. In an effort to stay in her good graces, I'd like to dedicate this post to the Italian Hammer, Mom this one is for you...
Recently, Kristen and I experienced a new level in our relationship.
We went to a Florida football game in the Swamp. This is a big deal for us, considering Kristen, during her tenure at Florida, spent many a days and nights watching Gator football romp over their competition.
And now, I get to see Kristen in all her Florida glory.
In one corner, you have her team, the Florida Gators, recently won two National Championships in the last four years, 60,000 students, they get all the good players (while graciously giving them new SUV's...NO...NO they don't I'm just kidding, of course) and in the other corner, my college, Miami of Ohio, cute, quaint school, 15,000 kids, the Ivy League School of the Midwest (they like to say..they = me).
And, I'm brought down to Earth when one of Kristen's bridesmaids, Kate Shugart calls it Ohio of Miami. Why??? Is Miami of Ohio such an outcast in the landscape of everything Miami? South Beach, land for Cuban exiles, Kourtney and Khloe, even where Lebron James brings his talents. Does no one know it's a school unless you live in Ohio? EVEN THOUGH it's a school that recently celebrated it's 200th Anniversary. EVEN THOUGH...Miami was a University (IN OHIO!!!) before Florida was a state. WHATEVER!!!
IT'S ON!!!
We'll show them!!!
Doesn't help when I ask Kristen if I'll get razzed (becoming my new favorite word, you should try it) for wearing my Miami shirt. She brushed it off as quickly as if I said, "aliens are outside your door, take a look." Her response: "NO...this isn't a real game anyways." And you know what, no one did razz me for wearing the opponent's gear. Ouch.
That's OK, we'll show them on the field.
ORRR...NOT!!!
Miami was up 3-0 at the end of the first quarter (thanks to Florida turnovers...cue Florida fan..."Turnovers, they looked like a Pop Warner team, fumbles, bad snaps, they sucked!) I was excited, but worried that the Florida alumni around me were going to kill me if Miami pulled the upset. Meanwhile, Kristen wasn't concerned. She was more focused on doing a Gator chomp and watching people in their fun Gator garb.
In the second quarter, all was right in Gatorland as they spewed out three touchdowns in the span of seven minutes. What didn't help was Miami failing a fake punt attempt on their own 20 yard line (never seen that before, don't want to again).
Florida wound up winning 34-12. Gators not happy with their team's performance. You gotta understand, Gator fans are National Championship or bust. They're obsessed with titles and SUV's as gifts...
NO!!!
JUST KIDDING!!
I swear if I keep making that insinuation, the mafia (aka the Florida Five they like to call themselves) will leave an actual gator on the hood of my car. If I make any negative reference to the One, aka Tim Tebow, this blog will somehow magically disappear.
So, for our first Gator football game together it went really well. Thanks to Florida winning, of course. I've seen Kristen when they lose, and that one time we found out they lost and we were at Disney World, let's just say all of us around were not having a Magical Experience at that point; won't make the Kristen Highlight Reel.
In case you're wondering...Kristen can have Florida football, and I get Syracuse basketball. Hopefully they'll be many more championships in the future.
I just realized...what gear are our kids going to wear? Oh...this is awkward...this will be a discussion.
I envision me coming in to the baby's room, slipping a bright Orange onesey onto Baby, giving Baby an Otto The Orange and sneaking back out. Only to find Kristen Crazy Eyes standing at the door with Kathy Bates' Misery look on her face wondering how I took Albert (The Florida Gator) out of the crib.
Oh, this will be awkward indeed. So, we should make a poll out of it...
When we have kids, do you want an Albert or an Otto? Albert for Florida, Otto for Syracuse.
I feel like we should have political advertisements for their campaigns.
(Shots of Otto kissing babies...shots of Albert playing in an oil spill...with a narrator saying, "Otto loves kids, and has helped make them wholehearted, loving human beings...while Albert has voted 57 times for drilling in the Gulf...who would you want running your Baby's crib?")
Aaahhhh...that should make the voting much easier.
I think I see the Five walking towards me now. Gotta go!
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Okay....sweetie...I'm so not kidding...you are gifted...this was hysterical...someone needs to hire you to blog full time. This is my new fave post...literally laughing out loud....I'm sure I'll get a talking to later for laughing at work...no laughing allowed!
ReplyDeleteMe and my misery eyes are going back to work now.
Note....there is no debate...I'll let you dress our baby however you want if you push him/her out...if not you can learn to love Albert and Alberta as much as I do :)
Kisses!
Brian, Megan and I have had this discussion as well. Gator orange or Penn State blue. Megan's favorite quote is, "You'll be a Gator fan when our kids go to Florida, right?" I don't seem to make any headway when I reply, "I want our children to go to a school of higher learning when they go to college, not the high school of central Florida." And as being a big Syracuse Orange basketball fan, I must side with you and say go with Otto!
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with Winnie the Pooh? He's the nondenominational plush toy of choice.
ReplyDeleteCome on, got to be Otto and all things orange!
ReplyDeleteGo 'Cuse! I'm sure Florida has a very nice team, but to beat Miami of Ohio who had to travel so far to play... maybe they were sleep deprived:) Thank you Brian for doing your blog. Makes me laugh out loud.
After sitting on the sidelines through your previous blogs, I feel compelled to comment, for the sake of the children. Understand, my opinion is unbiased and unaffected by my own alma mater (UF) or the fact that my daughter is a freshman at the same (UF). That said, for the sake of the children, please consider the following:
ReplyDelete1) Rearing as a Gator fan will allow your child(ren) to follow all sports (ie- Nat'l Champs in not only football, but hoops, track, swimming, etc in the past few years) As a Syracuse fan, you can only get excited for March Madness. What do you do for the rest of the year?
2) Having both Albert and Alberta allows both sons and daughters to relate, as opposed to the gender confused Otto. To that point, I defer to wikipedia: "Otto is an anthropomorphic orange, wearing a large blue hat and blue pants. Traditionally regarded as gender-neutral, (though "Otto" is typically a male name)." Really, is that a good role model for children...or is that someone who should be kept away from schoolyards?
3) I present, unedited, the following from the "10 Wierdest Sports Team Mascots":
"5. Otto the Orange
Syracuse University
Why on earth would a New York school famous for harsh winters and not known at all as an orange-growing powerhouse choose a giant citrus fruit as their mascot? Otto the Orange wasn't always the mascot for Syracuse University. They were once known as the Saltine Warriors. Which is worse? Otto the Orange has become the school's beloved mascot, dancing and shaking his booty (if oranges indeed have a booty to shake) at all of the school's athletic events. If the sight of a giant orange doesn't strike fear in the heart of your opponent, what will?"
I could certainly provide more reasons, but that would be considered running up the score.
Now, all together kids... "Go Gators!"
Very simple Brian. When was the last time 'Cuse won a championship in anything? Florida has won 2 football and 2 basketball championships in the last 4 years.
ReplyDeleteI suggest letting you wear Orange and dream of the past and let the Kristen and the kids war the Orange and Blue in all it's glory.
Albert.
ReplyDeleteThis post hits close to home because I am actually a fan of both. I am originally from the Syracuse area and love Cuse hoops. Sick of the cold, I went to UF for undergrad.
ReplyDeleteUF for Football, Cuse for Hoops.
Breaking news: Investigators, acting on an anonymous tip suggesting that oranges grow in Florida and not New York, have issued a press release about their stunning discovery: Otto is a closet Gator!
ReplyDelete