Close Call

As the sand slowly runs out of the hour glass towards our Saturday wedding, Kristen and I have picked up the pace. Lots of things to do, little time to do them. So, it didn't surprise me when I was told Saturday evening, that the following morning, we needed to be in Tampa at 730am to meet up with my Mom about some quilting mishap, and Kristen had fabric that needed to get to my Mom (for some reason, I was told they sold out of that fabric in Ft. Myers), so we had to meet halfway in Tampa. Confused, I didn't ask too many questions. Ride the wave!

All the women out there are saying right now..."Not too many questions??? You're going to be a great husband. Ride the wave!"

I wake up early Sunday, pick Kristen up and we're off. On the way down there, she tells me she's feeling sick and she needs breakfast to get some food in her stomach, and to stop off at Panera. When we stop, I get out of the car, and I see Kristen's Dad yelling at me "Hey Bri, this is your Day." I'm thinking...

"Small world, Kristen's Dad is here. He must be meeting up with some friends."

And...

"Her Dad's confused. The wedding is next Saturday. Why is he confused?"

As I go over to talk to him, I notice some of my friends behind him.

"Why is Kristen videotaping this with her iPhone?"

Oh...little, sneaky Kristen pulled one over on me and we're not going to Tampa, but I'm going somewhere else. She hands me Dramamine and says, "You'll need this."

Uh oh!!

They take me deep sea fishing in the Atlantic. Great!!!

Except I've never gone fishing. Hence the Dramamine.

So, we drive over to the ocean, hop on a boat, and we're off. Half hour later, through a high speed boat's bumpy ride, we make it out there. I'm so proud of myself, I didn't yack.

Streak Alive. STREAK ALIVE!!! For anyone who doesn't know me, I haven't puked, yacked, thrown up, blown chunks in 14 1/2 years. I'm more proud of this than anything I've done including graduate college. Sure, people get a college degree, but look at this degree I made up for myself...what's it read, oh yeah...

"Least Likely To Vomit...This Guy!!!"

Then, Bill Joseph, Kristen's Dad's friend who owns the boat, anchors it and says, "Alright, if anyone is going to get sick now would be the time."

As Scooby Doo says, "RUH ROH!!!"

I eat a sandwich, because I had not eaten anything at that point. I need to get some food in me, so I don't get sick.

They show me how to fish, for two reasons...

1) So, I can have fun.

2) So, I don't break the fishing rod, hook someone in the eye or scare away any of the fish with my dis-telligence (word I created as the opposite of intelligence).

After 15 minutes, I'm having a great time. First thing I pull out is a mini shark. Apparently, there are a ton of them where we are. Little buggers got some chompers on them. Yes, you do. YES YOU DO!!! We throw all the mini sharks back.

Get some gutter fish, throw them back.

Not pulling anything out that we can actually take home with us, hang on our mantel and wonder why our significant others won't spend time with us in that room. Is it us? Should we not have changed deodorant?? I knew that sales lady didn't know what she was talking about.

Then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Staring at the water, the waves, the constant rocking of the boat, here comes the nausea.

There's two reasons why God looked at me before I was born, and said, "Yep, he can't get pregnant."

1) I'm a guy and that'd be difficult with our parts.

2) I'd never make it out of morning sickness. I'd go to the hospital all the time for my nausea. I'd go so often they'd give me a "Go Ten Times Get The Eleventh Visit Free" punch card.

After thirty minutes, I stop fishing. They can see I'm turning pale. So I go up to the front of the boat for some self reflection. Who am I kidding? I'm praying to God I don't lose it on this man's boat.

Breeze is hitting me...I don't feel better. Eyes getting droopy, focus on the horizon. Lips getting numb...that can't be good. More praying. More thinking about Kristen and telling her I love her as if she's there.

Seriously, you would have thought I was going in for major surgery. I was sea sick. That's all.

"Just make yourself vomit, you'll feel better."

(mumbling)..."I have a streak."

"WHAT???"

(more inaudible mumbling, horizon watching, boat rocking)

I then proceed to eulogize the Streak.

"Hey, we've been together a long time. We've had some many great memories. You've been with me through high school graduation, pledging a fraternity, (remember that time I thought we were going to part ways in the fraternity house bathroom, but you stayed with me), we made it through college, and even ten years after. I can't believe food poisoning never broke us up. I can't believe those rare times I've heard or smelled other people's vomit, you've stuck with me. Or the times Tucker has a really, and I mean, stop traffic, get the Haz Mat Suits, really smelly poop, you've been with me. Nerves, roller coaster rides, alcohol, helicopter rides, we've done it all the last 14 1/2 years. If it's time to go, it's time to go. I'll never start another Streak. There can't be another Streak like you. You were the best. So, if you're going to do your thing, let's get this over with."

You know what? My Streak listened and he didn't want to part ways either. Maybe I've meant too much to him through all the moves around the country (maybe I'm making more of this than I should)...

Everyone: "YES YOU ARE!!!"

Whatever. But, I will tell you this, if I met someone today and I said, "I got straight A's in college"

OR...

"I haven't thrown up in 14 1/2 years."

What are they taking away from that conversation?

Exactly!

So, I never yacked. Spent 45 minutes of my life on the front of that boat, wishing this harm on no one. Felt better and enjoyed the rest of my day with everyone else on the back of the boat.

I would truly like to thank Brandi Mattox for putting this together. She was awesome in getting the guys together to do this....Felipe, Eric, Bret (Brandi's boy toy, I mean husband), Matty, Louie, Kristen's Dad and Bill Joseph...thank you so much, guys. Even though I memorialize the sea sickness, that was really only about 10% of my entire fun filled day with these guys. I had a fantastic time. I will never forget it, and it truly means the world to me that you would all do this for me. I can't thank you enough.

Eight Days

With the wedding only eight days away, we can clearly see the finish line. Seating chart...done (Kristen did a fantastic job even after she had to redo the entire thing only two days ago), music requests done, convincing my Mom to decorate our Mexican themed Rehearsal Dinner otherwise I would have put up a lot of Yankees wallpaper, pictures and autographed bats...Done!!!

However, one element we will leave up to the final minutes is the weather. Because Florida is a land mass with two huge bodies of water on both sides, makes thunderstorms more the norm than the exception, especially in the summer months.

Kristen is checking the ten day forecast everyday. I assume that's good. At some point, I think she will start checking every hour.

Last night she got on her iPhone.

"Oh S%&*, it's supposed to rain next Saturday."

Me: "Really???" (thinking Kristen will be a real treat leading up if she knows this already)

Kristen: "(more expletives)"

Me: (damage control mode, "dc" and I are tight) "it's going to be alright Honey. You know that meteorologists say that anything after 48 hours isn't truly accurate."

Kristen: "Oh crap. Crap!!! Crap!!! Crap!!! What's the difference between an isolated thunderstorm and scattered showers?"

I could explain the difference but my long winded answer will take me right up to the wedding if I type it all out on my iPhone right now.

Kristen: "You know it calls for 40% chance of rain."

Me: "OK (thinking it could call for 10%, she will still worry like all brides before her)"

Kristen: "OHHH!!!!"

Me: "What is it???"

Kristen: "Nevermind, that was the ten day forecast for Las Vegas. Oh, there we go (going through her iPhone weather app), there's Orlando, looks good."

My soon to be wifey everyone!!!

T-minus 13 days

I'm sorry I've been on blogcation for three plus weeks. I have a viable excuse...

Wait for it...

WAIT!!!

I promise it will be good.

Not really. I've yet to figure out how to cram 26 hours into a day. I do have my top crack staff working on it. His name is Tucker. He's a cockapoo. If anyone can sleep the day away and yet still have time to do everything he wants to like ball, eat, kiss, get belly rubs and poop, he's the guy.

Now if I could only get him to wake up and focus...

Because of my slack staff's distractions, I haven't had much time in my everyday life. With the wedding coming up, we're on full board Wedding Prep 303..,see we already graduated the Wedding Prep 101 Course in March, which consisted of dj, caterer, photographer, venue.

Then, in August, we finished Marriage Prep 202...engagement photos, invites, bridal shower, bachelor party, cupcakes...seriously, SweetbyHolly should give me commission every time I mention them or their website sweetbyholly.com and our 360 mini cupcakes with nine different flavors for the wedding, and I'm doing a poor job of showing that's the thing I'm most looking forward to eating at the wedding, aren't I? It's not obvious or anything, right?

As of right now, we're in "Cockpit Doors Are Closed, Safety Belts Are On, Plane Is Taxiing Away From the Gate, We're Running You Through The Safety Procedures" portion of wedding plans. Tonight...seating chart, rehearsal dinner catering, gifts, wedding playlist. It never ends.

All the married women are nodding, "Yep...hmmm...you know that's right."

All the married men are saying, "What's that all about?"

I really wonder what we're going to do with our everyday lives in November.

We're having a great time, just very preoccupied with all our free time going towards Operation October 23rd.

So, since we haven't talked in awhile, I'm going to do a hits and misses. For those who don't know what that is, hits and misses is time for me to praise or rant about things I like or don't like.

For example, a hit is T-minus 10 days until my boy Timmy comes down and we can chow down Four Rivers Barbecue style. Best barbecue place I've ever been to (sorry Rochesterians, it's better than Dinosaur, yep, I said it, that did it, I'm not welcome back, they're putting my picture up at the airport as we speak).

I've written about Timmy before, let's say he enjoys food. Heck, who are we kidding? Timmy can THROW DOWN!!! I saw him just two weeks ago when he came to visit Kristen and I in Cleveland, while we were visiting my new niece Alexis and my brother Kevin and sister in law Angela. Couple things...one, Alexis is cute; only a month and a half old, or as Kevin and Angela would say, Two Weeks Worth of Lost Sleep. She doesn't do much other than sleep during the day and up at night, eat, poop, and make adorable grunts and gurgling noises; she definitely gets that from my brother (when he does it, he's usually trying to get up from the couch after his knees hurt from softball, not the same level of cuteness). Second, when we saw Tim, he THREW DOWN two cheesesteaks like they were an appetizer. I love seeing it. His wife, Jess probably doesn't like that I encourage it, but you know what I say...T-minus 13 days. I can use that excuse for anything right now...it's a total Get Out Of Jail Free Card. I love it! When Kristen gets pregnant, I can use...

"Baby In The Oven" card, anytime I push us through a crowded street, mall or down here, an ice cream shop.

"Sympathy Weight", reason enough to not work out and eat whatever I want. I'm sure that will Kristen feel better.

Anyways, back from Tangentville, when TC comes down, it's on. He loves the barbecue. I'm planning on taking two hours out of my day for lunch to do this. I just hope they don't kick us out of the restaurant, after he goes back up for thirds. I do hope he starts fist pounding the guy who's cutting the meat. Tim, if you could work a fist pump into barbecue visit, I'd be mighty impressed.

Another hit...Timmy for getting so much traffic on my blog, after he posted the "Albert or Otto" poll on a Syracuse fan website. We were leading there for awhile, until Kristen called in the Florida Mafia and 24 hours later, we were down 70 votes. As Kristen put it last night...

Kristen: "Tell Tim he started it and I finished it."

Very distressing. Oh well. I can lean on this interaction we had today...

Me: "Honey, do you know Syracuse (4-1) has a better record than Florida (4-2)?"

Kristen: (silence, Death Stare)...

You can have the vote. We'll take a better winning percentage.

And my last hit to our wedding minister...Eddie from our church, Summit. We met with him last week. We're very excited about what he's bringing to our ceremony. Ask him to do a handstand, he'll do it.

Eddie, here's to hoping you'll learn how to do a handstand in the next 13 days. No pressure or anything. Only counts if you can "stand" for ten seconds. Or if you do it on your way into the ceremony.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog. I really appreciate it. The numbers are way up; over 1500. Keep telling people to hop on. Very exciting.

Now on to some misses...

The new M Night Shyamalan movie, Devil. Don't watch. Not really scary, just stupid. Come on M Night, I keep waiting for a good movie since "I See Dead People", I know you have it in you. Please!!!

The Euros for beating us Americans in the Ryder Cup last weekend. The U.S. came back from four points down, late, to tie it only to lose again. For those who don't understand golf, I know that last sentence meant nothing to you, so I'll translate...We Lost!

The Florida weather for still staying in the low 90s or as Kristen calls it, "Why Do I Bother Doing My Hair When I Just Walk Outside In The Humidity And It Now Looks Like THIS???" time of the year.

Drivers on I-4. There's a reason this is one of the more dangerous highways in the country. Shifting in and out of lanes at 75 in a 55, without a blinker, or a Hand Wave is just irresponsible people. Or the "Crap, I have a quarter mile until the exit, let's go across four lanes of heavy traffic without a blinker" is never a safe move either. Come on, we all have families.

My fantasy auction draft idea for the seating chart for not getting started. I'm telling you this is going to happen, I should write a manifesto on this, so no one steals my secret. I'll write that "to do" down on my ever growing list of "to do's". I'm very passionate about this idea. It can get everyone involved weeks before the wedding.

And that concludes hits and misses for now. If people have something you want me to touch on, I'd be more than happy to do so.

Thanks again! Now, I just need to wake up my crack staff (Tucker)....

WAKE UP!!!!!!!! Oh, look at that, he wants to play ball. Not shocking!!!

Two Worlds Colliding At A Very High Speed

Congratulations to my buddy Tim, his wife Jessica, their boys Andrew and Matthew for winning The Growing An Orange Contest. A very successful blogger and huge Syracuse fan, Sean Keeley has a website devoted to everything Syracuse athletics related, called Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician at www.nunesmagician.com

He wrote a book called How To Grow An Orange: The Right Way To Brainwash Your Child Into Becoming A Syracuse Fan. Tim decided to submit this photo of his family all in their Syracuse gear. Adding some of the cutest kids in the world certainly helped his chances of winning.

Tim contacted Sean and told him about our little debate going on about our hypothetical future kids...do we grow them up Syracuse fans (clearly the right choice) or Florida fans (unless you want them to get arrested like so many Urban Meyer followers, not named Tim Tebow). In a minute, you will slowly see why I'm becoming more feisty about this.

On my September 5th blog post, here's what I wrote concerning what to do with our future children's sports allegiances up in the air...

"I envision me coming in to the baby's room, slipping a bright Orange onesey onto Baby, giving Baby an Otto The Orange and sneaking back out. Only to find Kristen Crazy Eyes standing at the door with that Kathy Bates' Misery look on her face wondering how I took Albert (The Florida Gator) out of the crib.

Oh, this will be awkward indeed. So, we should make a poll out of it...

When we have kids, do you want an Albert or an Otto? Albert for Florida, Otto for Syracuse.

I feel like we should have political advertisements for their campaigns.

(Shots of Otto kissing babies...shots of Albert playing in an oil spill...with a narrator saying, "Otto loves kids, and has helped make them wholehearted, loving human beings...while Albert has voted 57 times for drilling in the Gulf...who would you want running your Baby's crib?")

Aaahhhh...that should make the voting much easier."


Since then, Otto got a few more votes than Albert.

After Tim got a hold of Sean, he brought along a lot of Syracuse followers going pure orange and voting for Otto. Cuse were up 100 votes.

Today, Kristen saw this as a challenge and contacted Gator Nation, and now she's checking the blog every five minutes, and watching Albert and his dangerous, frightening teeth come back, and they have. Slowly, he's lurking under the water, ready to pounce like a Gator does. Otto's only up 60.

Kristen: "I see this as an underdog and someone's beating me and beating me, but I slowly come back to TAKE THEM DOWN!!!"

Me: "Uhhhh, you know this is for our hypothetical babies, right?"

Kristen: "Sure, SURE, now check the blog again and see how many Gators voted?"

Me: "How did you come back so quickly?"

Kristen: "I'M NOT TELLING YOU...THIS IS WAR!!! I CAN'T TELL YOU MY WAR SECRETS!!!"

So, now Kristen and I have moved up the deadline for this vote. The day of our wedding...18 days. You have 18 days to decide what hypothetical baby wears, which mascot goes in the crib, what school becomes their allegiance...Lovable Otto or Angry Albert.

Remember people, Gators eat people. Oranges give great things like health and Vitamin C.

Let's not let Syracuse down. Let's finish the job and get Otto in that crib.

P.S. Here's a little secret, I really think Kristen's going to have the results of this challenge dictate what is in our "real" kids cribs. Kind of scary...

Like a Gator...SCARY!!! No one wants to be friends with an alligator. People run from them. Oranges, people flock to. Why do you think so many people like Orange Juice? They love oranges. And so do we, go Otto!!!