Anyone who knows me knows I love food. Probably half my posts are related to food. It's a true miracle I don't weight 300 pounds and have the cholesterol level of a Samoan guy (quote courtesy to Joe Cowan).
I'm obsessed with food. Kristen sent me a link to our honeymoon hotel in Hawaii.
http://www.hiltonwaikoloavillage.com/
First thing I looked at...
Dining. I want to see all the restaurants they have to offer. That's who I am.
In a little more than two weeks, Kristen and I are flying to Rochester, so my mom can throw her a bridal shower and I will have my bachelor's party in Niagara Falls. Two birds, one stone.
Yesterday, I heard what was on her menu. What's the opposite of mouth watering? Mouth drying? Desert mouth?
Don't get me wrong, the food will be spectacular. It's from a very well known hotel in Rochester, and I know the ladies will love it.
It's just not my cup of tea. Let's take a look at something that I would want...
Wait, it's NOT about me? Really? Oh well, here's what I would want if I was having a Groomsman's shower of food, food and more food...
Garbage plate, a combination of hamburgers, mac salad, potatoes, hot sauce, ketchup, all sitting on top of each other...http://margorabb.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/garbageplate1.jpg
Now, doesn't that look delicious?
Or, a contest to see who can eat a 30" pizza the quickest.
Or, all you can eat barbecue.
Or a five pound burrito? That would be awesome!!
See a trend here.
Kristen's menu...
Pistachio crusted chicken. I know all the ladies are saying, "HMMMM!!!!" Why put pistachios on chicken, when you can douse it with barbecue sauce? That's ridiculous.
A mixed green salad. Why mix greens into anything? That just stops the process of seeing how much one can eat at any given time.
And the topper...
Lemon Chaffon Cake.
I think the word "Chaffon" in French means "Air". Why have an Air Cake?
Let's have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake with Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. That's my kind of dessert. With milkshakes.
I wonder why my stomach hurts at night. Must be all the water I drink. I told them no tap water.
Again, I know it will be amazing for the ladies. I'm not dissing my mom. I'm dissing the bridal shower system. Let's give the ladies some Five Guys Burgers. Multiple hamburgers, unlimited toppings of mushrooms, red onions, fried onions, bacon, lettuce (see you can have greens), mayonnaise, hot sauce, ketchup, whatever. An entire bag's worth of fries. Now we're talking. I'm going to ambush the shower with Five Guys.
On second thought, that might be rude to my mother. So, I won't. But, only because I love my mother.
Instead, I'm going to bridal shower crash someone I don't know. Walk in with bags of grease..."LADIES, who wants some Five Guys?" They'll look at me like I'm George Clooney. Or Justin Bieber if it's a teenage bridal shower. Hey, have you seen those shows on MTV? There's more out there than you think.
Kristen wouldn't want this for her shower. She likes what my mom chooses. So, it works out for everyone.
However, I'm seeing a trend of Men Eat Whatever They Want (until they're married) vs Women Who Mix In Greens. Once I say, "I Do", I know Kristen will throw a plate of greens my way (I'll ask what that red thing is, she'll say it's a tomato), and throw out all my burrito punch cards. But, I was so close to my third time of getting a free burrito after ten purchases. It's to the point, I'm having conversations with the general manager of the store.
So, until the "I Do", please don't send me any chaffon. I have a mouth to water.
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Okay buddy....listen here....I am the biggest fan of your blog (your mom and my mom might say they hold the title....but we'll have a "I love B's blog the most throw down" to prove it...Bring It (as quoted from the infamous Bring It On 1, 2, 3...1000))...but enough is enough when you diss my shower food. Seriously! Really? Really? (via SNL). Said shower food inspires some of the many meals you love that show up on your plate after a long day sir. Lemon cake is fantastic and refreshing. Pecan crusted chicken is like fried chicken but better and who insisted on a lovely side salad at Ale House last night...hint..it wasn't only me! I think a retraction is in order...preferably before your mom lays a smack down on your blog comments...don't mess with Mums and her shower hosting skills!
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely not an indictment on my mother's shower hosting skills. It's an indictment on bridal showers.
ReplyDeleteBack in the stone ages, when all the cavewomen sat around, starting at another cavewoman's ring, and they played "Pin The Tail On The Bison" during the "Cavewoman Shower"...if they had Super Nachos, Two Foot Long Burritos or Pizzas The Length Of The Cave, then I don't think we'd be having this same conversation.
A trend was set way back then. My point is men can still have whatever they want.
Until they're married.
OK, Mom chiming in now. Having the privilege of living in a house full of men (including the dog), I'm totally OK with Brian not getting the female food mentality. When I was telling Bigs about the menu for Angie's shower, sandwiches and wraps cut into 1/4's and fruit and salad, his comment was, "is that enough food and what about cookies with the cake?" I laughed all thru the blog and since this is Kristen's shower my concern was that SHE liked the menu and any men that come (you) will just have to bring in your own Five Guys burger. BTW, I didn't include you in the meal count for the shower anyway:) OOPS!
ReplyDeletebrian,
ReplyDeletei'm happy to drive with you to nick's so you can roll into the second half of the shower with a garbage plate.
loved the food blog at the baseball game last week. this weekend, I ate a plate friday night. Saturday was two bill grey's cheeseburgers on a hard roll, and washed it down with a ground steak cheeseburger. Today, do you think i'd drive past Nick's without getting another one?
7 burgers in 48 hours. i'll let you know what the doctor says.
kevin