A One Sided Mismatch

Ever say to yourself, "What did I do to deserve this?"

Had one of those moments this morning as I was on my way to work.

I walked outside and I noticed my silver Honda Accord was littered...no littered isn't a strong enough word...MASSACRED in bird poop. My car had no chance. There must have been thirty different spots hit. The windshield, the hood, the roof, the side windows (always a tough angle for them). What those birds did to my car isn't humane. They must have been circling my car over and over, having a contest with one another.

"Hey Jermaine...watch this...(drops)...OHHHHH!!!! That was a good one. Right on the door handle. He's going to have a tough one getting that off his hands."

Either that, or it was one single bird that had WAY too much Mexican last night. If that's the case, I honestly want to send it to a vet and get it's digestive system cleaned. Give it some Imodium, nurse it back to health and send it on it's way.

I would have taken a picture but it was the middle of the night, I don't own a camera or a phone that has flash. I'm really up on the times.

At first, I thought it was the "neighborhood kids", and I don't even know if there are "neighborhood kids", but it's always easier to blame it on them. I thought they painted my car white...I'm not kidding.

I noticed that no other car got hit in the parking lot. So, I spent five minutes looking up research to my long held belief that birds like using silver cars as their own personal porta potties. I came up with about eight other people having the same experience that their silver cars got crushed in a parking lot or driveway and not a speck anywhere else.

Mind you, I haven't had great experiences with birds. Over the last three years, I've been hit twice in the head by our hawk. No, we don't own a hawk, but every year there's a hawk at work who spends a couple months divebombing my co-workers. And the tv station can't do anything about it. We're told by Fish and Wildlife that because they're endangered (as opposed to my head), we have to leave them alone. So, they continue picking us off like target practice and we take it. "Thank you sir, may I have another."

All in all, birds and I aren't cohabitating together right now. Not until they stop using my car as target practice...or until they lay off the Mexican.