A Social Injustice That Needs Immediate Attention

There are many things in this world that are injustices...

The fact that there is still no cure for AIDS.

Our National Deficit.

A Nine Dollar Beer At Yankee Stadium.

Justin Bieber.

Do these words mean anything to you???

ABA

JOLES

TUT

JINK

LOO

ZA

DEX

FOVENA

SIPE

ASCI

HARL

YON

HAW

NIX

LICHT

ARES

PISH

DOVEN

Think about it???

Anything come to mind???

You sure???

I'll tell you...

These are all acceptable words on Words With Friends. WWF is an iPhone application; yes we got our iPhones, no I haven't mastered it, yet, yes Kristen has, no it's not a sore subject for me, really it isn't, I swear...I promise...I think...

Basically, WWF is playing Scrabble with your friends on your iPhone. You get seven letters to play around the board, and depending on placements you can get double and triple letter points as well as double and triple letter words. It's not uncommon for someone to get 50 points on one turn. I've done it...

Wait, oh that's right...it's been done to me...

A LOT!!!

So, I've HEARD you can get more than 50 points in one turn.

I like hanging out in the eight to twelve ppt range (points per throw). Don't want to get my blood pressure rising with the thought I might win.

It's still fun. You can waste a good portion of your day thinking of different words to play. Trust me, I know.

Now before my Dad tells me from New York to "Get Back To Work", I can tell you I do my job. Granted, I was looking up pwc's (possible word combinations, come on people) about two minutes before the Governor press conference. I stopped. Didn't ask him for his advice, though. Should have...damn...

However, I hit my WWF limit today, and this is the injustice that needs fixing NOW.

All those words I gave you earlier, were used against me. Can anyone use those in a sentence?

"I just saw the Last Airbender and I wanted to Harl"

NO!!!

Kristen told me WWF uses a specific dictionary. I found it online. It's called the 1885 Southern Redneck Dictionary. I googled it, and it told me that there were a group of guys sitting around drinking, one night, wanting to make a few extra bucks. They came up with a crazy idea. They realized everyone knows about Webster's Dictionary. They wanted something of their own. Words they could use around town everyone would understand. The more they thought about this, the more excited they got, and the more they drank. They were writing down different slang words and eventually passed out.

They were saying things like...

"Earl, how about you Yon your way over here and give me some more moonshine before you Harl all over your feet."

"I'm not going to Harl! I feel great, as Licht as a Haw."

"Are you Joling me? You just Siped Roger in the mouth for talking smack about your woman."

"Kiss My ASCI"

"You don't want to do this Earl. We gotta a good thing going here. We're going to be thousandaires with this book."

"I don't want to do this stupid book anymore. I realized I can't walk from town to town Yoning this idea. My Fovena is killing me."

"WAIT?!?! You're part of the team. You have to. My Loo is riding on this."

"I don't have to do anything, except Doven my barn, pay my taxes and Pish on my flowers before I go to bed."

"Listen Earl, I'm going to Dex you in the Za, if you Jink of backing out on me now."

"You can't make me. My Fovena!"

"To Haw with your Fovena. Here comes your Lichting."

And that was that. Roger and Earl fought until their Za's fell off.

The next morning, an entrepreneur was rolling through the area, found the guys passed out on their campsite, saw this ragged manual these fellows put together, noticed they were still catching flies, so he decided to take it before they woke up. One hundred twenty five years later, these words are still being used now. But who knows them? No one.

So, we need to fix this. I say abandon the idea altogether. Why WWF has screwed with me so bad, and given us this language, that is at best barbaric and uncivilized, I have no idea. I'm taking back the night. I say, NO MORE WWF Dictionary. I'm tired of not being able to use the word "OZ" because it's a proper noun, but I get LOO-d, Licht-d and Fovena-d.

Please, write to your fellow Congressman. Tell them enough is enough. We need WWF to play words only used in everyday language. Not this garbage of words no one has ever heard of. Otherwise, our intelligence is going to Pish right down the drain.