I love baseball. I've loved it ever since I was a little boy back in
the early 1980s. Every April, my older brother and I would sit around
and hope that our team, the New York Yankees wouldn't come in last
place. Anything but last, we were happy with. Then, a decade later,
the Yankees started to get better and they made the playoffs. We just
wanted them to win a playoff series. I'll never forget the moment that
happened. I was 17 years old, in college, and they finally beat the
Texas Rangers to advance one step closer to the ultimate prize: the
World Series. Next, they beat the Baltimore Orioles, during the tail
end of Cal Ripken's career, and they wound up coming from behind, in an
unbelievable fashion, to beat the Atlanta Braves. I remember it like it
was yesterday: being in my friends' dorm room in college, celebrating
when Charlie Hayes caught the ball in third base foul territory and it
was over...my team actually won something. Even though I was living in
Ohio at the time, boy did I celebrate...my mom and dad are now thinking,
"Money well spent".
Ever since then, I knew that no matter what, I
saw my team win the ultimate prize. Anything else is icing on the
cake. So, of course, I was thrilled when the Yankees won in 98, 99,
2000 and 2009. Even my favorite college basketball team, Syracuse won
in 2003. I've been very blessed with my sports teams.
I grew up with baseball, and college basketball. In upstate New York, those sports were huge.
When
I moved to Florida in 2005, I realized the local sports fandom turned
upside down and here, everyone loves college football and the NFL. I
held out for a long time, talking baseball, hoping I could find baseball
fans. I could have spray painted my house in red, saying "Red Sox
suck!!" and people would have wondered if the Red Sox were in the SEC.
I
have given up and it pains me to say this, but America, unfortunately
has adopted the NFL as its sport. It's awful to admit, it's hurtful to
concede, but it has been time. When ESPN was doing daily NFL shows in
April, a good five months before the season started, I knew it was time
to waive the flag.
And, now I sit here, to tell you that the NFL
needs to get its act together. This league is a multi billion dollar
industry. I think their commissioner Roger Goodell actually rolls in
the money, inside a big money vault, ala Scrooge McDuck style. However,
the one thing that is shaming Goodell and his league right now are
these replacement refs.
Goodell and his owners have locked out the
regular refs because the regulars want a 401K, and they don't want what
the league insists on which is a seven man, three crew referee system
that roves around replacing the regular refs, when the regulars have a
bad game. The refs make pennies compared to what the league brings in.
However, Goodell won't budge, and the refs won't budge and now, the
games aren't completely legitimate.
You think I'm joking...watch
the end of last night's Packers/Seahawks game where Seahawks receiver
Golden Tate two arm pushed the Packers defender (which is offensive pass
interference) before jumping up to not catch a Hail Mary pass, because
Packers safety M.D. Jennings caught it, only to have Tate wrestle it
away from him five seconds later, and one ref called it a touchdown and
one ref called it a touchback (meaning the Packers intercepted the
ball), only to have the replay clearly show the Packers had the ball,
and yet the call wasn't overturned on replay, which blows my mind,
because the first ref called it a touchdown, and he's the same ref that
missed the offensive pass interference call...whew!
They have called pass interference when no one has been touched, they have called a personal foul for 27 yards when it's never more than 15 yards, they have pointed the wrong way when identifying which team committed the foul, they have faced the opposite direction so we could only see their back side when they called a penalty, and they have even said a penalty is on a team that wasn't even playing the game.
Most of these
refs have never officiated a game above the Division III level. Now,
they have jumped over two bigger leagues to referee the BIGGEST league,
and it's all out there for us to see them screwing up. Can you blame
the guys? They're not used to the speed of the game, and they have been
given very little training up until this point to officiate these
games. It was only a couple weeks before the season that the league
said they were going to start with these replacement refs. They have
been thrown into the fire, without an extinguisher and they're trying to
calmly blow the flames out with their mouths. It's not working.
Super
Bowl winning quarterback Drew Brees commented,"There’s definitely a
lack of confidence in what’s going to get called and what’s not going to
get called. You know, they’re just not prepared to be in this
situation. The game is so fast, and the level that all of them were at
and now are at — it just doesn’t even compare. You know, I think it’s
getting to a point where it’s pretty horrendous and it’s an
embarrassment to the league and the way it’s being conducted."
Super
Bowl winning quarterback Aaron Rodgers said, "integrity of the game” by
continuing to use replacement referees who are clearly unqualified and
ill-prepared to officiate NFL games."
Super Bowl winning coach
Bill Belichick grabbed an official after Sunday night's loss because of a
phantom pass interference call that didn't give him his desired outcome
on the game.
Every week, these refs are blowing calls. Players
have admitted to intimidating these refs into giving them favorable
calls. It has really turned into a circus.
As much as I love
baseball, and have lamented the growth of the NFL, even I can admit this
is bad, America. Your sport is being hijacked by these Division III
refs.
Hey, America, baseball is ready to come back and be your sport if you will open your arms again. Any chance you'll have us???
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Are journalists being pushed too much?
I'm taking a Masters class in Media Convergence and Planning. Basically, it talks a lot about how journalists aren't focused on just writing a story for their medium, say television. They are also shooting video, taking pictures, writing web updates, doing stories for other television outlets throughout the country, etc. It's exhausting.
My class asks us to write a blog each week about whatever we want. So, I wrote about my thoughts on media convergence, and then I realized, maybe I shouldn't have been so critical considering my professor will be grading this, but a blog should be honest. Grade me for my knowledge, not for my belief.
Anyways, this is what I wrote...please let me know what you think. If it's good, pass it along to someone. If it's not, pretend it's good :) Just kidding, let me know so I can improve my writing.
Thanks everyone!
Are Journlists Being Pushed Too Much?
Edward R Murrow is rolling over in his grave. Aside from his famed DeLorean, unless Back To The Future's Doc Brown comes up with another great invention, say add on two additional hours to each day, journalists simply do not have enough time to formulate quality news stories like they used to.
Converged journalists are the wave of the present and the future. News directors, and newspaper editors want more out of their reporters besides just writing a story. That was SO 1990s. Now, journalists are expected to develop sources, get soundbites, write, shoot video, take pictures, make sure they look presentable so they can do live shots for tv, or web updates or both. They are supposed to find out the "why" behind the "what" while searching around town for the people that know the "who" so they can get the "how". And, if that wasn't enough, many times they have to do two roles. How are they supposed to have time to do anything but skim the surface news? With high pressure demands to fit different media convergences, it's nearly impossible for converged journalists to do anything but wash, rinse, repeat.
When I worked in television news, we used to have "Sweeps" days. Sweeps period are a block of days that occur four times a year, usually lasting a month, that television networks and advertisers pay special attention to, in order to focus on the ratings and ad prices for the future. If your ratings are good, advertisers want to be on your network, tv execs know this so ad prices go up and the dollars continue to pour in. Television bosses love dollars! So, during these "sweeps" days you were given a day to not turn a story, but work on a bigger, more important, ground breaking story for the future. However, as happens nearly every time, there would be some form of breaking news, they would look around the newsroom and see a reporter working on their sweeps story, and say, we need you to cover this. They would run out and cover it, and their sweeps day was crossed off the calendar with less to show for it than they originally hoped.
You ask, what's my point? My point is, in journalism, the immediate always looks shinier than the big picture. TV time, column spaces, radio time all need to be filled on a daily basis. Newscasts and newspapers are approximately the same length every day, and content needs to fill that spot, or as we like to call it, "Feed The Beast". The mode now is to spread the reporter's wings to hit many different mediums...tv, radio, print and web. Many times they intercede on the same story, because the more mediums you are on, the better exposure of the organization, and the more exposure, hopefully better ratings and with better ratings, we have learned more dollar signs and Quiz Time: What do tv execs like? Answer: Dollar Signs.
When I used to see a reporter setting up the camera to shoot their story, pressing record and walking away, so they can get closer to do the interview, I cringed. When I saw them huffing around in 90 degree heat shooting a bank robbery in their pant suits, I cringed. When I saw a print photographer carrying a still and video camera at the same time, one for print, the other to post video on the web, I cringed. Welcome to Converged Journalism! The wave of journalists doing more for more outlets.
What are we the viewer really learning besides bare bones journalism? We have learned digging deeper uses a very shallow shovel. Instead, they are told to use a wide sweeping broom to cover it all. That is the focus of the future. Somewhere Edward is shaking his fists at us.
My class asks us to write a blog each week about whatever we want. So, I wrote about my thoughts on media convergence, and then I realized, maybe I shouldn't have been so critical considering my professor will be grading this, but a blog should be honest. Grade me for my knowledge, not for my belief.
Anyways, this is what I wrote...please let me know what you think. If it's good, pass it along to someone. If it's not, pretend it's good :) Just kidding, let me know so I can improve my writing.
Thanks everyone!
Are Journlists Being Pushed Too Much?
Edward R Murrow is rolling over in his grave. Aside from his famed DeLorean, unless Back To The Future's Doc Brown comes up with another great invention, say add on two additional hours to each day, journalists simply do not have enough time to formulate quality news stories like they used to.
Converged journalists are the wave of the present and the future. News directors, and newspaper editors want more out of their reporters besides just writing a story. That was SO 1990s. Now, journalists are expected to develop sources, get soundbites, write, shoot video, take pictures, make sure they look presentable so they can do live shots for tv, or web updates or both. They are supposed to find out the "why" behind the "what" while searching around town for the people that know the "who" so they can get the "how". And, if that wasn't enough, many times they have to do two roles. How are they supposed to have time to do anything but skim the surface news? With high pressure demands to fit different media convergences, it's nearly impossible for converged journalists to do anything but wash, rinse, repeat.
When I worked in television news, we used to have "Sweeps" days. Sweeps period are a block of days that occur four times a year, usually lasting a month, that television networks and advertisers pay special attention to, in order to focus on the ratings and ad prices for the future. If your ratings are good, advertisers want to be on your network, tv execs know this so ad prices go up and the dollars continue to pour in. Television bosses love dollars! So, during these "sweeps" days you were given a day to not turn a story, but work on a bigger, more important, ground breaking story for the future. However, as happens nearly every time, there would be some form of breaking news, they would look around the newsroom and see a reporter working on their sweeps story, and say, we need you to cover this. They would run out and cover it, and their sweeps day was crossed off the calendar with less to show for it than they originally hoped.
You ask, what's my point? My point is, in journalism, the immediate always looks shinier than the big picture. TV time, column spaces, radio time all need to be filled on a daily basis. Newscasts and newspapers are approximately the same length every day, and content needs to fill that spot, or as we like to call it, "Feed The Beast". The mode now is to spread the reporter's wings to hit many different mediums...tv, radio, print and web. Many times they intercede on the same story, because the more mediums you are on, the better exposure of the organization, and the more exposure, hopefully better ratings and with better ratings, we have learned more dollar signs and Quiz Time: What do tv execs like? Answer: Dollar Signs.
When I used to see a reporter setting up the camera to shoot their story, pressing record and walking away, so they can get closer to do the interview, I cringed. When I saw them huffing around in 90 degree heat shooting a bank robbery in their pant suits, I cringed. When I saw a print photographer carrying a still and video camera at the same time, one for print, the other to post video on the web, I cringed. Welcome to Converged Journalism! The wave of journalists doing more for more outlets.
What are we the viewer really learning besides bare bones journalism? We have learned digging deeper uses a very shallow shovel. Instead, they are told to use a wide sweeping broom to cover it all. That is the focus of the future. Somewhere Edward is shaking his fists at us.
Friday, May 4, 2012
The Death Of A Sandman
They call New York City "The City That Never Sleeps".
Ironic.
For 17 seasons, one of the great icons of the New York Yankees, Mariano Rivera and his "Enter Sandman" entrance song has shut the lights out.
Game after game, Yankee closer Mariano Rivera would dissolve the opposing team's will to nothing, their bats shattered into dust, and sped up their inevitable walk back to the clubhouse, as losers. When Mariano came to the mound, the chefs preparing the postgame spread knew they needed to speed up service.
Until now.
Thursday, May 3rd, while shagging fly balls during pregame batting practice in Kansas City, Mariano twisted his knee on the warning track dirt. Mariano fell, immediately grabbed his right knee, writhed in pain, face contorted from a guy who never seem fazed about anything. At the time, you just knew he tore his ACL. Hours later, doctors confirmed the Yankee nightmare. This Kansas City dirt should go to the Smithsonian because it's the only thing that has stopped Mariano since the mid 90s.
Mariano was carted off the field underneath a billboard sign in the stadium that said, "Walk Off A Hero". Fitting for a guy who is so beloved by everyone in baseball. Many players, former and current, have called him one of the nicest, most respectful players they have ever seen on the field.
Years ago, baseball retired Jackie Robinson's #42. The league wanted everyone else to stop wearing that number, so we could all remember Jackie and his fight into baseball as the first African American player. However, baseball made an exception for Mariano. He wore #42 his entire career and they let him keep wearing it. They knew Mariano was a great representative of not only Jackie, but of the league, and who better to be an example to the younger generation, who haven't followed the new school tradition of going towards the NFL as America's sport, but instead hang on to baseball as America's past time.
For the past 17 seasons, I have been blessed to watch Mariano close game after game, night after night. During his career, he has 608 saves; the career saves leader. He has an ERA of 2.21, the lowest of any pitcher since 1921, who has pitched a minimum of 1000 innings. He has struck out over 1100 batters; almost one per inning. He gives up a home run about once every two months. Amazing, considering...
He throws one pitch. A cutter that goes into left handed hitters and away from right handed hitters. He has perfected it so well that everyone knows it's coming, and everyone either strikes out, breaks their bat or grounds out weakly. Incredible. For 17 years, this has been Mo's M.O. and everyone can't stop it. It was like watching a sun rise. Everyday, it was going to happen, you couldn't stop it, and you just sat there in awe and amazement.
It has been a true honor to watch Mariano. He has given me so much joy in being the last man to stand on the mound, solidifying another Yankee win. He has won five World Series championships and has closed out the series clinching win in four of those. The greatest moments for me include him finishing off the cross town Mets during the 2000 World Series, and him pitching an incredible three innings to beat their rivaled Red Sox during Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. Those games meant more to me as a Yankee fan than any other. You were always going to hear about it from their fans if the Yankees lost, and fortunately, Mariano did not let that happen.
Mo is 42 years old, and he said before the beginning of the year, he made up his mind whether this was his swan song. He didn't say one way or the other, but you got the sense this was it. The best closer in baseball history, the soft spoken, well mannered guy who shattered the dreams of the opposing teams fans, was going to soon slowly walk off the eighteen foot high mound consisting of dirt and rubber, and on towards the bright light of retirement. And, now he's out for the rest of the season. Time will tell if he walked off for the final time. But, one thing is for certain, he most definitely walked off a hero.
Ironic.
For 17 seasons, one of the great icons of the New York Yankees, Mariano Rivera and his "Enter Sandman" entrance song has shut the lights out.
Game after game, Yankee closer Mariano Rivera would dissolve the opposing team's will to nothing, their bats shattered into dust, and sped up their inevitable walk back to the clubhouse, as losers. When Mariano came to the mound, the chefs preparing the postgame spread knew they needed to speed up service.
Until now.
Thursday, May 3rd, while shagging fly balls during pregame batting practice in Kansas City, Mariano twisted his knee on the warning track dirt. Mariano fell, immediately grabbed his right knee, writhed in pain, face contorted from a guy who never seem fazed about anything. At the time, you just knew he tore his ACL. Hours later, doctors confirmed the Yankee nightmare. This Kansas City dirt should go to the Smithsonian because it's the only thing that has stopped Mariano since the mid 90s.
Mariano was carted off the field underneath a billboard sign in the stadium that said, "Walk Off A Hero". Fitting for a guy who is so beloved by everyone in baseball. Many players, former and current, have called him one of the nicest, most respectful players they have ever seen on the field.
Years ago, baseball retired Jackie Robinson's #42. The league wanted everyone else to stop wearing that number, so we could all remember Jackie and his fight into baseball as the first African American player. However, baseball made an exception for Mariano. He wore #42 his entire career and they let him keep wearing it. They knew Mariano was a great representative of not only Jackie, but of the league, and who better to be an example to the younger generation, who haven't followed the new school tradition of going towards the NFL as America's sport, but instead hang on to baseball as America's past time.
For the past 17 seasons, I have been blessed to watch Mariano close game after game, night after night. During his career, he has 608 saves; the career saves leader. He has an ERA of 2.21, the lowest of any pitcher since 1921, who has pitched a minimum of 1000 innings. He has struck out over 1100 batters; almost one per inning. He gives up a home run about once every two months. Amazing, considering...
He throws one pitch. A cutter that goes into left handed hitters and away from right handed hitters. He has perfected it so well that everyone knows it's coming, and everyone either strikes out, breaks their bat or grounds out weakly. Incredible. For 17 years, this has been Mo's M.O. and everyone can't stop it. It was like watching a sun rise. Everyday, it was going to happen, you couldn't stop it, and you just sat there in awe and amazement.
It has been a true honor to watch Mariano. He has given me so much joy in being the last man to stand on the mound, solidifying another Yankee win. He has won five World Series championships and has closed out the series clinching win in four of those. The greatest moments for me include him finishing off the cross town Mets during the 2000 World Series, and him pitching an incredible three innings to beat their rivaled Red Sox during Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. Those games meant more to me as a Yankee fan than any other. You were always going to hear about it from their fans if the Yankees lost, and fortunately, Mariano did not let that happen.
Mo is 42 years old, and he said before the beginning of the year, he made up his mind whether this was his swan song. He didn't say one way or the other, but you got the sense this was it. The best closer in baseball history, the soft spoken, well mannered guy who shattered the dreams of the opposing teams fans, was going to soon slowly walk off the eighteen foot high mound consisting of dirt and rubber, and on towards the bright light of retirement. And, now he's out for the rest of the season. Time will tell if he walked off for the final time. But, one thing is for certain, he most definitely walked off a hero.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
There's No Business Like Show Business
Ten days ago, I was a cruise virgin.
And, when people find that out, everyone who is "experienced", mentions what they like about a cruise. Mostly, they talk about the food. How much there is, how good it is, etc.
No one told me about the entertainment, and I'll remember that, much more than anything else on the boat.
One note of reference, never call it a boat to anyone who works and lives on there. And, live they do.
Stay with me as I go onto another tangent...there are over 1200 crew members who call the ship their home. And I was very jealous up until the last twenty four hours when I was in, "Get Me The Hell Off The Boat" mode.
These crew members sign on for six or nine month contracts. They work everyday, no off days. They range from cleaning the rooms, serving the food, doling out the drinks, working at the front desk, making sure the ship doesn't tip over, you know basic stuff. I thought it was the coolest thing because they get to see the world. On our excursion alone, we saw the Bahamas, St. Maarten, St. Thomas and Turks and Caicos. We were the last Caribbean tour of the season. After they dropped us off Sunday morning, they left a few hours later, with a fresh 1500 Cruisers to Europe. Six straight days at sea as they sailed towards Barcelona. I was extremely jealous.
Yet, every time I saw a staff member and told him how jealous I was they get to see the world, they gave me this smirk look like, "If you see what's going on behind the curtain, you won't be so jealous." We all have seen that look. Whether it be when a six year old sits on Santa's lap at the mall and realizes this jovial, bearded one gets to go to the North Pole with his elves and reindeer (Reality: He just took a shot of whiskey as he strolled out of his car to heat up because the car heater didn't work, and this is his third job, trying to make ends meet, if he would only give up the alcohol)...OR...the Happy Magic Kingdom workers I see on a regular basis, singing and dancing on The Main Street Parade (Reality: it's their fourteenth such parade that week, their knees are banged up, their feet have callouses and they each have to massage each other's faces afterward to get the Disney mandated smile off, because their cheeks are stuck).
So, after I told the 15th Ruby Princess Cruise worker I was jealous they get to sail around the world, and I got the same grin, I thought, "You know what? I'll keep my Florida life." Besides, I wouldn't be able to take the puppies with me on board and oh yeah, there's NO WAY Kristen would go for it. However, the way Kristen acted the last night of the cruise, you never know.
But, before we get to that, back to the entertainment...each night there was a show in the theater, whether it was a Magic Show, or a Broadway inspired show, or a show where different cruise workers got on stage for a talent show.
Something like this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFsV6T3s4fI
Then, there were movies...EVERYWHERE, and I loved it.
You could sit on the top level of the boat...DAMN...ship, with more food (Shocking!!!) and watch a movie that just hit rental, like Moneyball, or Iron Lady, or Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (which still scares my wife somehow, she's a grown woman, yet still scared of Pirates, her movie zone is Rom Coms.
(Trailer voice): "In a world where 24 year old women have trouble meeting men, only to find out they take their work too seriously, and once they dial it back, all of a sudden Zac Effron or Ryan Reynolds or Patrick Dempsey show up, take them on ridiculous, unrealistic dates, involving water falls, hot air balloons and carriage rides and all you men are now held to this standard, culminating in a scene where they passionately make out in the rain and they fall in love and The End")
Really Hollywood?!? Really???
Can we mix it up with, cue Trailer Voice...
(Trailer Voice): "(cough cough) In a world where 24 year old women have trouble meeting men, only to find out they take work too seriously, and once they dial it back, all of a sudden Zac Effron or Ryan Reynolds or Patrick Dempsey show up, take them to Chili's, only to find out the wait is an hour and a half, so they hit a Chic Fil A drive thru, only to be told their Waffle Fries are going to take an extra five minutes and please pull forward to wait, they do, eventually eat their fries in the car, drip Polynesian Sauce on their shirts, and cut the date short because their heart burn is acting up.)
Yeah, women Zac, Ryan and Patrick don't look too sexy now, do they?
Wait, they do?
DAMN!
Other forms of entertainment were The Casino (the most unfriendly dealers ever, worse than Vegas, I felt like I was a part of a legal Mob hit), Bingo (unrealistic prices but huge jackpot, we didn't win, the odds are really bad, I'm bitter I didn't realize this earlier) and Mark Cornish.
Mark Cornish is Kristen's new gay Crush. I have to say gay Crush, because if I just say Crush, and not explain it, people might think less of her. But, damn, she was pretty smitten for some Mark Cornish.
Here's some YouTube footage I've found (which will immediately excite Kristen):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h1F-tGeoEI
Or his facebook page...which I don't think she's found yet.
https://www.facebook.com/markcornish
He's basically the life of the party. And by this time, Kristen would have already "liked", "friended" and "messaged" Mark.
Every time she saw him, it was... "HI MARK!!!!"
"Look at Mark, he's so great!!!"
"Isn't he the funniest?" "Honey, he's collecting Bingo cards" "But, look how well he does it....HI MARK!!!!!"
And, finally the last night of the cruise. It was a doozy for Kristen and she was sober.
Throughout the week we played a lot of trivia games and we were always Top 5, but never in first. The last game was called Quest. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. If I knew, I would have brought a helmet and shoulder pads.
They would call for an item and you had to find the item and run it up to a cruise member. There were 20 teams, and a whole lot of items. The first two teams to get to the cruise member got five points. Everyone else got one point. The allure was we didn't know what we were playing for. A trip....free drinks...free casino chips to be brought back to the mean dealers only to be taken away ten minutes later without even a "Thank You for playing", but more a tone of "You Wanna Piece Of Me?"
Anyways, getting back to Quest, the items were random. Some were easy. Like bringing up a menu or a Ruby Princess newsletter. Others were, let's just say, they speak for themselves...
ITEM #8: BRING UP ONE MAN WHO IS WEARING TWO BRAS...
Kristen rips off her bra, and hounds another woman for her bra and ten seconds later, I'm rushed up to the front wearing a bra, and I have another on my head. And then we have to stay up there to be interviewed.
ITEM #11: WE WANT TWO LADIES WEARING A PAIR OF MAN'S PANTS...
Kristen is YELLING at me to take off my shorts (they qualified as pants apparently, she didn't give me much time to figure something else out), yanks another woman up to the stage and she's, let's say STRONGLY VERBALLY ENCOURAGING her to put the shorts on with her...And of course, the cruise members tell them to leave the pants up there for all the guys to have to retrieve afterwards...in their boxers.
ITEM #15: BRING UP A WOMAN WEARING A MAN'S SHIRT
Seriously?!?!?! What's the obsession with men's clothing here??? Kristen zooms up there like my shirt was on fire and she was going for an extinguisher. And of course, they slowly stroll back afterwards to give us our shirts. I didn't see the same HUSTLE returning the clothes, ladies!
ITEM #17 ("When is this game going to end?"): BRING UP A MAN WEARING WOMEN'S SHOES
Kristen yells GET UP THERE BUT DON'T RUIN MY SHOES THEY'RE NICE!!!!
ITEM #19: BRING UP A WOMAN WEARING A MAN'S TIE
I wasn't wearing one. Kristen runs...RUNS...around yelling at complete strangers, GIVE ME YOUR TIE...GIVE ME YOUR TIE...then when getting it, SPRINTS towards the cruise member wearing the tie.
It was The Wrath Of Kristen. I desperately wish I had a video camera. It would have been a great sociological experiment, because it wasn't just Kristen RUNNING towards the cruise workers. It was all the women. All of them, elbowing each other, YELLING at their unexpecting husbands. It was like watching the video of women rushing after the one day discounted wedding dresses. I saw a grown woman, RUNNING, then falling face first onto the floor trying to turn in her item. And, yet she bounces right back up. If that was at work, she would have been filing for workman's comp, and work would have already sent flowers, pleading for her not to sue.
It was insane. This is why Scavenger Hunts are usually for kids. Adult Scavenger Hunt is CRRRRAAAAAZZZZZYYYYYY!!!!!!
At the end of it, we won. I mean, Kristen won. Even though we were a team of four, she was THE RING LEADER!!!!
You know what we won?
A water bottle.
But it was DAMN WORTH IT!!!, if you ask her.
She was on an adrenaline high for two hours afterwards. The only things I could get her to say was, with a sweaty, ear to ear grin...
10:07 pm "I can't believe I won"
10:15 pm "That was so much fun"
10:31 pm "My Dad would be so proud of me"
11:02 pm "I crushed all of them. I mean 64 points, we must have come in first or second (again, out of 20 teams), about ten times."
11:12 pm "I Dominated" (I made that up, but she was thinking it)
11: 24 pm "Quest is my B$%$%" (Made that up to, but she was thinking that as well, she had Crazy Eyes going)
11:35 pm (Looking at another 74 year old woman going up for her nightly 11pm Buffet Feeding): "You Want A Piece Of This?"
And yet, we're going to have to put The Water Bottle in our will. And that was the highlight of the trip.
Lesson to be learned, you do not...DO NOT...mess with a woman when a competition is going down...even if none of them know what they are competing FOR...they know who they are competing AGAINST and a woman does not want to lose to another woman.
That's why The Bachelor show is so popular.
And, when people find that out, everyone who is "experienced", mentions what they like about a cruise. Mostly, they talk about the food. How much there is, how good it is, etc.
No one told me about the entertainment, and I'll remember that, much more than anything else on the boat.
One note of reference, never call it a boat to anyone who works and lives on there. And, live they do.
Stay with me as I go onto another tangent...there are over 1200 crew members who call the ship their home. And I was very jealous up until the last twenty four hours when I was in, "Get Me The Hell Off The Boat" mode.
These crew members sign on for six or nine month contracts. They work everyday, no off days. They range from cleaning the rooms, serving the food, doling out the drinks, working at the front desk, making sure the ship doesn't tip over, you know basic stuff. I thought it was the coolest thing because they get to see the world. On our excursion alone, we saw the Bahamas, St. Maarten, St. Thomas and Turks and Caicos. We were the last Caribbean tour of the season. After they dropped us off Sunday morning, they left a few hours later, with a fresh 1500 Cruisers to Europe. Six straight days at sea as they sailed towards Barcelona. I was extremely jealous.
Yet, every time I saw a staff member and told him how jealous I was they get to see the world, they gave me this smirk look like, "If you see what's going on behind the curtain, you won't be so jealous." We all have seen that look. Whether it be when a six year old sits on Santa's lap at the mall and realizes this jovial, bearded one gets to go to the North Pole with his elves and reindeer (Reality: He just took a shot of whiskey as he strolled out of his car to heat up because the car heater didn't work, and this is his third job, trying to make ends meet, if he would only give up the alcohol)...OR...the Happy Magic Kingdom workers I see on a regular basis, singing and dancing on The Main Street Parade (Reality: it's their fourteenth such parade that week, their knees are banged up, their feet have callouses and they each have to massage each other's faces afterward to get the Disney mandated smile off, because their cheeks are stuck).
So, after I told the 15th Ruby Princess Cruise worker I was jealous they get to sail around the world, and I got the same grin, I thought, "You know what? I'll keep my Florida life." Besides, I wouldn't be able to take the puppies with me on board and oh yeah, there's NO WAY Kristen would go for it. However, the way Kristen acted the last night of the cruise, you never know.
But, before we get to that, back to the entertainment...each night there was a show in the theater, whether it was a Magic Show, or a Broadway inspired show, or a show where different cruise workers got on stage for a talent show.
Something like this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFsV6T3s4fI
Then, there were movies...EVERYWHERE, and I loved it.
You could sit on the top level of the boat...DAMN...ship, with more food (Shocking!!!) and watch a movie that just hit rental, like Moneyball, or Iron Lady, or Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (which still scares my wife somehow, she's a grown woman, yet still scared of Pirates, her movie zone is Rom Coms.
(Trailer voice): "In a world where 24 year old women have trouble meeting men, only to find out they take their work too seriously, and once they dial it back, all of a sudden Zac Effron or Ryan Reynolds or Patrick Dempsey show up, take them on ridiculous, unrealistic dates, involving water falls, hot air balloons and carriage rides and all you men are now held to this standard, culminating in a scene where they passionately make out in the rain and they fall in love and The End")
Really Hollywood?!? Really???
Can we mix it up with, cue Trailer Voice...
(Trailer Voice): "(cough cough) In a world where 24 year old women have trouble meeting men, only to find out they take work too seriously, and once they dial it back, all of a sudden Zac Effron or Ryan Reynolds or Patrick Dempsey show up, take them to Chili's, only to find out the wait is an hour and a half, so they hit a Chic Fil A drive thru, only to be told their Waffle Fries are going to take an extra five minutes and please pull forward to wait, they do, eventually eat their fries in the car, drip Polynesian Sauce on their shirts, and cut the date short because their heart burn is acting up.)
Yeah, women Zac, Ryan and Patrick don't look too sexy now, do they?
Wait, they do?
DAMN!
Other forms of entertainment were The Casino (the most unfriendly dealers ever, worse than Vegas, I felt like I was a part of a legal Mob hit), Bingo (unrealistic prices but huge jackpot, we didn't win, the odds are really bad, I'm bitter I didn't realize this earlier) and Mark Cornish.
Mark Cornish is Kristen's new gay Crush. I have to say gay Crush, because if I just say Crush, and not explain it, people might think less of her. But, damn, she was pretty smitten for some Mark Cornish.
Here's some YouTube footage I've found (which will immediately excite Kristen):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h1F-tGeoEI
Or his facebook page...which I don't think she's found yet.
https://www.facebook.com/markcornish
He's basically the life of the party. And by this time, Kristen would have already "liked", "friended" and "messaged" Mark.
Every time she saw him, it was... "HI MARK!!!!"
"Look at Mark, he's so great!!!"
"Isn't he the funniest?" "Honey, he's collecting Bingo cards" "But, look how well he does it....HI MARK!!!!!"
And, finally the last night of the cruise. It was a doozy for Kristen and she was sober.
Throughout the week we played a lot of trivia games and we were always Top 5, but never in first. The last game was called Quest. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. If I knew, I would have brought a helmet and shoulder pads.
They would call for an item and you had to find the item and run it up to a cruise member. There were 20 teams, and a whole lot of items. The first two teams to get to the cruise member got five points. Everyone else got one point. The allure was we didn't know what we were playing for. A trip....free drinks...free casino chips to be brought back to the mean dealers only to be taken away ten minutes later without even a "Thank You for playing", but more a tone of "You Wanna Piece Of Me?"
Anyways, getting back to Quest, the items were random. Some were easy. Like bringing up a menu or a Ruby Princess newsletter. Others were, let's just say, they speak for themselves...
ITEM #8: BRING UP ONE MAN WHO IS WEARING TWO BRAS...
Kristen rips off her bra, and hounds another woman for her bra and ten seconds later, I'm rushed up to the front wearing a bra, and I have another on my head. And then we have to stay up there to be interviewed.
ITEM #11: WE WANT TWO LADIES WEARING A PAIR OF MAN'S PANTS...
Kristen is YELLING at me to take off my shorts (they qualified as pants apparently, she didn't give me much time to figure something else out), yanks another woman up to the stage and she's, let's say STRONGLY VERBALLY ENCOURAGING her to put the shorts on with her...And of course, the cruise members tell them to leave the pants up there for all the guys to have to retrieve afterwards...in their boxers.
ITEM #15: BRING UP A WOMAN WEARING A MAN'S SHIRT
Seriously?!?!?! What's the obsession with men's clothing here??? Kristen zooms up there like my shirt was on fire and she was going for an extinguisher. And of course, they slowly stroll back afterwards to give us our shirts. I didn't see the same HUSTLE returning the clothes, ladies!
ITEM #17 ("When is this game going to end?"): BRING UP A MAN WEARING WOMEN'S SHOES
Kristen yells GET UP THERE BUT DON'T RUIN MY SHOES THEY'RE NICE!!!!
ITEM #19: BRING UP A WOMAN WEARING A MAN'S TIE
I wasn't wearing one. Kristen runs...RUNS...around yelling at complete strangers, GIVE ME YOUR TIE...GIVE ME YOUR TIE...then when getting it, SPRINTS towards the cruise member wearing the tie.
It was The Wrath Of Kristen. I desperately wish I had a video camera. It would have been a great sociological experiment, because it wasn't just Kristen RUNNING towards the cruise workers. It was all the women. All of them, elbowing each other, YELLING at their unexpecting husbands. It was like watching the video of women rushing after the one day discounted wedding dresses. I saw a grown woman, RUNNING, then falling face first onto the floor trying to turn in her item. And, yet she bounces right back up. If that was at work, she would have been filing for workman's comp, and work would have already sent flowers, pleading for her not to sue.
It was insane. This is why Scavenger Hunts are usually for kids. Adult Scavenger Hunt is CRRRRAAAAAZZZZZYYYYYY!!!!!!
At the end of it, we won. I mean, Kristen won. Even though we were a team of four, she was THE RING LEADER!!!!
You know what we won?
A water bottle.
But it was DAMN WORTH IT!!!, if you ask her.
She was on an adrenaline high for two hours afterwards. The only things I could get her to say was, with a sweaty, ear to ear grin...
10:07 pm "I can't believe I won"
10:15 pm "That was so much fun"
10:31 pm "My Dad would be so proud of me"
11:02 pm "I crushed all of them. I mean 64 points, we must have come in first or second (again, out of 20 teams), about ten times."
11:12 pm "I Dominated" (I made that up, but she was thinking it)
11: 24 pm "Quest is my B$%$%" (Made that up to, but she was thinking that as well, she had Crazy Eyes going)
11:35 pm (Looking at another 74 year old woman going up for her nightly 11pm Buffet Feeding): "You Want A Piece Of This?"
And yet, we're going to have to put The Water Bottle in our will. And that was the highlight of the trip.
Lesson to be learned, you do not...DO NOT...mess with a woman when a competition is going down...even if none of them know what they are competing FOR...they know who they are competing AGAINST and a woman does not want to lose to another woman.
That's why The Bachelor show is so popular.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
We've Seen The World...Kind Of
Kristen and I are back from our cruise and there is so much to talk about...
First things first...
For those who are wondering if The Streak is alive after my first dip into the Cruise Industry, and the possibilities of sea sickness, the results are in and The Streak persevered. Last month, The Streak had it's Sweet Sixteen party. There was a cake involved. But it wasn't one of those Sweet Sixteen parties you see on MTV where the Dad throws a $500,000 party for his daughter and all of her friends, and P Diddy shows up and presents her with a Lamborghini, blah blah blah.
No this was a modest party. A self reflective, look in the mirror, "Brian, good job, you haven't yacked in 16 years...how about we go another 16?" Head nod, exit bathroom, and we move forward. The Cruise didn't get me down. And for the foreseeable future, the skies look clear, and it looks like we will have a smooth ride.
And, if we back up a little further, I'd like to take a minute to talk about something on the way down to the port. I was driving and my buddy Wiedy was texting me. Since I don't text and drive, Kristen took the digits and started pounding away. Yet, she didn't say it was her. Here is what transpired...
Allegdly Me, Really Kristen: "So, what's the prom situation at the Ebersol House...do you know?" (something I would never ask, but since she's a girl, girls have to exhume feelings out of EVERYTHING!!!)
Wiedy: "Jake The Mistake"
Me (again NOT ME!!): "NO!!!!!! Oh gosh...bad news!!!" (who talks like this?)
I could go on and on, but let's just say the words "bummer", "awww" and "Yay!!!" were used.
This should be a crime. It's identity theft. Spousal textal identify theft. When your spouse takes your phone, texts your buddies as yourself, because you are pre-occupied like driving, eating, or in the shower, and doesn't tell them. It's s-t-i-t. This should not be allowed. Us, men need to take a stand and say no more. What's next? They take the remote away from us to watch...
Oh, this gets me going to a whole different level.
If we go back even further, I'm going to discuss what a typical Monday night is at the Bachman household.
Do you know Kristen has the tv viewership habits of a 15 year old girl? Monday night is littered with "Make it or Break it" (an ABC Family show about teenage girls vying for a spot on the Olympic gymnastics team, Kristen has been watching the show the entire time, SOMEHOW the show is in it's third season, she gets so EXCITED every time they renew), followed by "Gossip Girl" (I don't even know how to describe this show other than to say it's just for teenage girls, and some guy who talks in a whisper and girls think it's sexy), followed by "Smash" (a show about young 20 something girls going for the lead in a Broadway show, yet one girl is sleeping with the director and she's a hoebag, and it looks like she's regretting it, and I really need to re-evaulate my life at this point).
I had the unfortunate incident of watching these shows with her one Monday. That will be the last Monday. When she started her third show, I said, "Enough, I'm going to bed. I can't take this anymore." Did nothing to her. She kept watching. I don't know if she's regressing, but if she is, then I get to watch WWE again. I went when I was little. I should get that back. And watch three hours of it. In the TV Room. Every Monday! YEAH!
(Don't think that's going to happen)
Back to the cruise, my first cruise. We were gone seven days. And here's a recap...
There is a lot of food on a cruise ship. I mean a LOT! Countless, anytime you want it, hamburgers and french fries, alcoholic drinks, ice cream, pizza. And that's just the stuff on the side. The main stuff is the buffets all the time. We were eating at 11pm. Why??? Because you could!!! Of course, the waist line suffered for me. But, when will I get a chance to eat that much? I ate probably a dozen slices of pizza, hamburg, couple pounds of fries, only a couple scoops of ice cream, roast beef, rice, Caesar salad, soup, crackers, paella, vegetables, bread, fried peanut butter sandwiches, fried zucchini, and about forty other dishes. I'm not kidding. There wasn't a time I wasn't hungry. I was either full or half full. When my tank went half, I loaded up again. Wanted to make sure my engine kept running.
My brother would have loved it. He is competing with my buddy Tim as the "Guy Who Could Eat Anything If It Was Put In Front Of Him, It Wasn't Nailed Down, And It Didn't Include Dairy" (for my dairy allergic friend Tim). If you put Cornish Hen in front of either of these guys, they would eat a pound of it, before they even asked what it was. They would say, "Hey, it looks like Chicken, let's go!!!" It's how they roll.
Moving on from the food, we stopped in the Bahamas, then down to St. Maarten for a trip on a Nude-y Beach, then to St. Thomas for some snorkeling, followed up with a stop on Turks and Caicos, and then, oh yeah, I mentioned a Nude-y Beach. Yep, never thought I would do it, but I didn't know anyone. Why not? When in Rome? No, that doesn't mean eat pizza Kevin, settle down, it means you strip down when they strip down. It felt liberating. No worries about "Oh my God, what will that person think of me?", because we were some of the youngest people on the nude beach. Why? Old people like to lose their clothes in public. Seventy five percent of the people were AARP card members, but they didn't have a place to hold their cards. Apparently, all those years working in an office, suited up, resulted in them spending their vacations at a nude resort. The weirdest experience??? Waiting in line with a bunch of old, nude people, them telling each other how great it feels to be nude, how weird it is to see each other in clothes at dinner time, and when they hug each other, nude. I definitely would not go that far. And, we brought home a souvenir...Kristen buying a tank top that says, "Happiness in life is no tan lines." It's her favorite shirt now.
All in all, a great cruise. We're happy to be back with our puppies. We missed them tremendously. And we're happy to be back to wearing clothes full time. At least one of us is.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Their Poor Fathers
On Saturday night, Kristen and I went out to a lovely dinner with family friends, The Fortsons: Jack, Brenda and their daughter Monica (Shout Out!). As we were driving home, we stopped at a 7-11 for a quick get together with Kristen's BFF...48 ounces of Diet Coke. Quick because you should see her drink the thing (YouknowwhatI'msaying!!)
As we were in 7-11, we noticed a nurse in there that everyone was ogling. Not because she was an actual, I'm Choking Give Me The Heimlich Manuever Kind Of Nurse, but more the, I'm A Slutty Here Are My Boobs And My Dress Is So High You Can See My Butt Cheek And Who Is Heimlich Kind Of Nurse. This got Kristen to thinking...let's troll downtown and see what her generation is wearing. Oh, wait you mean
Slut O Ween? Done!!
We get downtown around 9:45pm, so it's prime costume time. We drive down Orange Avenue and see all sorts of costumes, guy dressed like Will Ferrell in Elf running through the streets clueless like Ferrell did, girl in a skimpy dress, guy dressed like a girl, Luigi, skimpier dress, Yoshi, Pirate, possibly a girl wearing her lingerie, a female cop that all guys would want to be pulled over for, a fat guy jumping up and down as a personal trainer, and a lot, and I mean A LOT of X-rated female nursery rhyme characters who we deemed Slutty Snow White, and Little Slut Riding Hood.
Kristen is loving the stroll. "This is great, I'm so glad we did this!!!!"
After awhile we had this exchange...
Me: "Honey, I keep seeing girls wearing really short dresses, with knee high socks. What is that?"
Kristen: "Oh, that's a Miscellaneous Slutty Costume"
It took 15 minutes to go a handful of blocks down Orange, and once we hit the end, we decided to go back and do it again. It was like we were kids riding Space Mountain for the first time, loving it, and wanting more, except this time without the puking.
Second time down there are a considerably larger portion of late teens and mid twenty somethings in their special garb. The men's consensus choice of costume...a convict. The women's consensus choice of costume...anything accentuating their breasts and butt cheeks. Not their butts, no, that's not enough. They want us to make sure we can see their underwear.
What surprised me the most was how much fun we had with this. I think this was our Halloween highlight. Not the little kids running around this Monday, but watching the young professionals of America literally hang it all out for all of us to see. You know you have shown your wife a cheap, entertaining time when you spend 45 minutes cruising through downtown, judging others and your wife says things like...
"Oh, Oh, Oh, look at that guy dressed like a girl. Guys dressed like a girl is ALWAYS priceless."
"Slow down, SLOW DOWN, I can't see behind the car next to us, Yes!! Another Slutty Pirate"
"Oh, I love it. A guy dressed like a marijuana leaf just walked past a police officer."
"ANOTHER SLUTTY BUMBLE BEE!!! This is FANTASTIC!!!"
The Future Of America. These Are The Voters For Our Next President. And we're ONLY worried about the economy?
As we were in 7-11, we noticed a nurse in there that everyone was ogling. Not because she was an actual, I'm Choking Give Me The Heimlich Manuever Kind Of Nurse, but more the, I'm A Slutty Here Are My Boobs And My Dress Is So High You Can See My Butt Cheek And Who Is Heimlich Kind Of Nurse. This got Kristen to thinking...let's troll downtown and see what her generation is wearing. Oh, wait you mean
Slut O Ween? Done!!
We get downtown around 9:45pm, so it's prime costume time. We drive down Orange Avenue and see all sorts of costumes, guy dressed like Will Ferrell in Elf running through the streets clueless like Ferrell did, girl in a skimpy dress, guy dressed like a girl, Luigi, skimpier dress, Yoshi, Pirate, possibly a girl wearing her lingerie, a female cop that all guys would want to be pulled over for, a fat guy jumping up and down as a personal trainer, and a lot, and I mean A LOT of X-rated female nursery rhyme characters who we deemed Slutty Snow White, and Little Slut Riding Hood.
Kristen is loving the stroll. "This is great, I'm so glad we did this!!!!"
After awhile we had this exchange...
Me: "Honey, I keep seeing girls wearing really short dresses, with knee high socks. What is that?"
Kristen: "Oh, that's a Miscellaneous Slutty Costume"
It took 15 minutes to go a handful of blocks down Orange, and once we hit the end, we decided to go back and do it again. It was like we were kids riding Space Mountain for the first time, loving it, and wanting more, except this time without the puking.
Second time down there are a considerably larger portion of late teens and mid twenty somethings in their special garb. The men's consensus choice of costume...a convict. The women's consensus choice of costume...anything accentuating their breasts and butt cheeks. Not their butts, no, that's not enough. They want us to make sure we can see their underwear.
What surprised me the most was how much fun we had with this. I think this was our Halloween highlight. Not the little kids running around this Monday, but watching the young professionals of America literally hang it all out for all of us to see. You know you have shown your wife a cheap, entertaining time when you spend 45 minutes cruising through downtown, judging others and your wife says things like...
"Oh, Oh, Oh, look at that guy dressed like a girl. Guys dressed like a girl is ALWAYS priceless."
"Slow down, SLOW DOWN, I can't see behind the car next to us, Yes!! Another Slutty Pirate"
"Oh, I love it. A guy dressed like a marijuana leaf just walked past a police officer."
"ANOTHER SLUTTY BUMBLE BEE!!! This is FANTASTIC!!!"
The Future Of America. These Are The Voters For Our Next President. And we're ONLY worried about the economy?
Monday, October 17, 2011
Run Forest Run
Through the years I've had many bright ideas. Pouring ice cream into a deep fryer and believing I could get deep fried ice cream. Spraying Raid into my air conditioner vent because I couldn't figure out where else these spider ants were coming from inside my car, and thus creating Raid-O-Car where the smell is so strong, ants in various lawns are dying just whiffing the toxic smell as I drive past. And, finally FaceX which is a computer program I want to create where a phone can take a picture of anything in the world, and information will dispense on it's history, impact in the world, and if it's a product, where and at what cost you can buy it. Of those three, let's just say one of them sent forth a wrath from our fraternity house chef in my direction so strong, that she would still remember it to this day.
In my latest "bright ideas", I convinced my buddy Timmy to run the Disney marathon with me. 26.2 miles. Using our legs. Continuously. In one motion. Towards the finish line. Where glory will be ours. Or a stretcher. Or in Timmy's case, a heaping pile of burgers and fries. You may remember Tim from previous posts where I have gluttonized the poor boy because of his eating habits. During my bachelor party, we went to an all you can eat steakhouse. He ate for two hours. TWO HOURS! Without stopping! He's a machine. When he runs a marathon, he's going to write a book called "The Eater's Guide To Running A Marathon", and there's going to be a picture of him at the end of the race with a plate of spaghetti in one hand and a hot dog in the other.
Editors Note..."One of the pictures in the middle is of Tim combining the spaghetti and the hot dog. It's not for the faint of heart."
Tim has already asked me if instead of Gatorade at each mile marker, if they will provide food. Disney would not return my phone calls.
While we are training, we have to run three or four times a week. The weekends are our long runs. Yesterday, I ran nearly ten miles and it felt like I was running for hours. To the point where it felt someone else was moving my legs and I didn't have control over them.
But, hey, 16 more and we would have completed our mission.
Good God, what have we gotten ourselves into?
We are 83 days away and counting!
P.S. Is it bad that, recently I had a dream about running the marathon and I woke up in a panic? I don't need a dreamologist to tell me I'm having anxiety about this!
In my latest "bright ideas", I convinced my buddy Timmy to run the Disney marathon with me. 26.2 miles. Using our legs. Continuously. In one motion. Towards the finish line. Where glory will be ours. Or a stretcher. Or in Timmy's case, a heaping pile of burgers and fries. You may remember Tim from previous posts where I have gluttonized the poor boy because of his eating habits. During my bachelor party, we went to an all you can eat steakhouse. He ate for two hours. TWO HOURS! Without stopping! He's a machine. When he runs a marathon, he's going to write a book called "The Eater's Guide To Running A Marathon", and there's going to be a picture of him at the end of the race with a plate of spaghetti in one hand and a hot dog in the other.
Editors Note..."One of the pictures in the middle is of Tim combining the spaghetti and the hot dog. It's not for the faint of heart."
Tim has already asked me if instead of Gatorade at each mile marker, if they will provide food. Disney would not return my phone calls.
While we are training, we have to run three or four times a week. The weekends are our long runs. Yesterday, I ran nearly ten miles and it felt like I was running for hours. To the point where it felt someone else was moving my legs and I didn't have control over them.
But, hey, 16 more and we would have completed our mission.
Good God, what have we gotten ourselves into?
We are 83 days away and counting!
P.S. Is it bad that, recently I had a dream about running the marathon and I woke up in a panic? I don't need a dreamologist to tell me I'm having anxiety about this!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Butler Does It Again
Spoiler Alert...
Butler continues their magic from last year as Matt Howard tips in a shot with less than a second to go to beat Old Dominion 60-58. Apparently, the senior didn't want to go home in the first round. Next up, most likely, powerhouse Pittsburgh.
West Virginia holds on to beat Clemson 84-76. Clemson led 40-31 late in the first half but ran out of gas as the Mountaineers pushed the pedal to the metal. West Virginia scored 44 points from their bench players. Really impressive.
And I'm scared. I picked Louisville to go to the Finals in one of my brackets (clearly many will laugh at me, that's OK). So, it wasn't good when I saw Morehead State (Who??? Exactly) get out to a 15-2 lead. Fortunately, for me, my sanity and my bracket, Louisville has come back to take the lead in the second half. Let's hope they hold on.
Butler continues their magic from last year as Matt Howard tips in a shot with less than a second to go to beat Old Dominion 60-58. Apparently, the senior didn't want to go home in the first round. Next up, most likely, powerhouse Pittsburgh.
West Virginia holds on to beat Clemson 84-76. Clemson led 40-31 late in the first half but ran out of gas as the Mountaineers pushed the pedal to the metal. West Virginia scored 44 points from their bench players. Really impressive.
And I'm scared. I picked Louisville to go to the Finals in one of my brackets (clearly many will laugh at me, that's OK). So, it wasn't good when I saw Morehead State (Who??? Exactly) get out to a 15-2 lead. Fortunately, for me, my sanity and my bracket, Louisville has come back to take the lead in the second half. Let's hope they hold on.
I Love My Life
View From The Man Cave Until Kristen Comes Home. Three games at once. Hard to see the PIP on the big TV but it's there. You can stay at work as late as you want honey :)
My Awesome Wife
I'd like to thank my beautiful wife for proposing the idea of bringing our upstairs TV downstairs so I now have two TV's and can watch all four games at once. Good job Hon! Nice sacrifice to give up your Today Show Friday morning while you get ready for work.
Wait?!? Did I just give myself more work and I have to reconnect upstairs after the games tonight? Uh oh!
Wait?!? Did I just give myself more work and I have to reconnect upstairs after the games tonight? Uh oh!
We're Off
I started twenty minutes after tipoff to the first game, but DVR is an Angel From Above and I caught up no problem. No one likes commercials anyways.
I find this to be a little more difficult than in years past. The previous three years I've been in a Vegas Sports Book and they have screens everywhere including a huge one that can show all four games going on at once. When we've gone in the past, my brother and I won't talk to each other, for hours, or unless there's a commercial on all four games at once (we call it a White Wash, we get very excited when this happens). Yet somehow we have trained our brains to catch the most important part of each play for all four games with a "OHHH Did You See That?", and yet we always have.
This year is a little different. Sitting at home, games are going on with four different channels broadcasting. So, right now, I'm watching Clemson/West Virginia with a Old Dominion/Butler Picture In Picture. At 1:40pm, a third game comes on, Louisville/Morehead State will be on my iPhone app March Madness On Demand. A fourth game, I don't know what I will do. Some creative remote control switching. I do have an inner knack to know when to turn the channel at just the right time.
This will be an exercise in concentration to say the least. And yet, Kristen says I don't pay attention :)
Interesting note to the Clemson/WVU game, Clemson played a "play in game" in Dayton, Ohio that finished minutes before midnight Tuesday night. Won that game against UAB to get them into the Round of 64, flew to Tampa, got in at 4:45 am Wednesday morning and was ready to play at 12:15pm today. The scheduling people did not do them any favors. And even though Clemson had a big lead most of the first half (up to nine at one point), WVU tied it with a three right before half.
Now turning my attention to ODU/Butler. Other than the fact that Butler almost won the championship last year, I know nothing about this team other than our friend Julie went there, oh, and it's cold in Indiana. Remember, Butler = Julie + Cold. Got it!
I find this to be a little more difficult than in years past. The previous three years I've been in a Vegas Sports Book and they have screens everywhere including a huge one that can show all four games going on at once. When we've gone in the past, my brother and I won't talk to each other, for hours, or unless there's a commercial on all four games at once (we call it a White Wash, we get very excited when this happens). Yet somehow we have trained our brains to catch the most important part of each play for all four games with a "OHHH Did You See That?", and yet we always have.
This year is a little different. Sitting at home, games are going on with four different channels broadcasting. So, right now, I'm watching Clemson/West Virginia with a Old Dominion/Butler Picture In Picture. At 1:40pm, a third game comes on, Louisville/Morehead State will be on my iPhone app March Madness On Demand. A fourth game, I don't know what I will do. Some creative remote control switching. I do have an inner knack to know when to turn the channel at just the right time.
This will be an exercise in concentration to say the least. And yet, Kristen says I don't pay attention :)
Interesting note to the Clemson/WVU game, Clemson played a "play in game" in Dayton, Ohio that finished minutes before midnight Tuesday night. Won that game against UAB to get them into the Round of 64, flew to Tampa, got in at 4:45 am Wednesday morning and was ready to play at 12:15pm today. The scheduling people did not do them any favors. And even though Clemson had a big lead most of the first half (up to nine at one point), WVU tied it with a three right before half.
Now turning my attention to ODU/Butler. Other than the fact that Butler almost won the championship last year, I know nothing about this team other than our friend Julie went there, oh, and it's cold in Indiana. Remember, Butler = Julie + Cold. Got it!
March Madness Anyone?
Happy March Madness Everyone! Today is a very exciting day. 16 first round games followed by another 16 first round games tomorrow. College basketball on three different channels for twelve straight hours, and I'm home all day to watch them. And, I don't have to sneak around the office trying to watch on my computer, like millions of people today.
Best sporting day ever! I don't care what people say about the Super Bowl, that's only 3.5 hours. The only things I'm missing are chips, dips, pizza, barbecue and everything else associated with Fat Super Bowl Day.
T-minus four hours.
P.S. If my buddy Rye Rye isn't home watching today as well, I'm very disappointed.
Best sporting day ever! I don't care what people say about the Super Bowl, that's only 3.5 hours. The only things I'm missing are chips, dips, pizza, barbecue and everything else associated with Fat Super Bowl Day.
T-minus four hours.
P.S. If my buddy Rye Rye isn't home watching today as well, I'm very disappointed.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I'm BAAAACCCCKKKKK
Hello World...I hope you're doing well.
It's been two plus months since my last blog.
I want to get back to writing.
Sometimes life gets in the way.
And our busy lives prevent us from doing certain things.
But, no more.
So, I'm shifting gears on this blog.
Last night, I saw on mlb.com a job post that would be perfect for me.
PERFECT!!!
It's called Dream Job. The objective: Watch every single baseball game and blog about it.
So, let me get this straight: I would watch EVERY game, BLOG, and get PAID. I like all three of those things. All you would have to do is incorporate EATING and I would be in Heaven.
As our favorite crazy whipping boy, Charlie Sheen would say right now:
WINNING!!!
Unfortunately, the job listing closed a week before I saw it.
But, that got me to thinking, and what Kristen and I have been talking about...what are my passions?
Hmmm...well, I know I like to write...
And anyone who knows me knows I like to watch sports.
So, why not do that on my own blog for the time being?
Until mlb.com hopefully picks me up for next year :)
So, first things first...
This Thursday and Friday are two National Holidays for me, aka the first two days of March Madness. And, for the fourth year in a row, I have decided to take those two days off from work.
So, I will blog about the games. ALL OF THEM!!! For at least those two days.
Heck, I was staying home anyways just so I could watch them.
If all goes well, I will blog about Major League Baseball.
Trends/teams (my favorite the Yankees), players, fantasy, etc.
Let's see how it goes.
So, from here on out, you will be hearing much more from me. Mostly sports, but at least this gives me a venue to talk about what I love. And, it gives Kristen a reprieve from all the times I say...
"Honey, did you see that shot?" OR "Honey, I hate AJ Burnett, he can't get past the fifth inning."
Hopefully, I will get pitch a complete game and go the distance through this upcoming baseball season.
GAME ON!!!
It's been two plus months since my last blog.
I want to get back to writing.
Sometimes life gets in the way.
And our busy lives prevent us from doing certain things.
But, no more.
So, I'm shifting gears on this blog.
Last night, I saw on mlb.com a job post that would be perfect for me.
PERFECT!!!
It's called Dream Job. The objective: Watch every single baseball game and blog about it.
So, let me get this straight: I would watch EVERY game, BLOG, and get PAID. I like all three of those things. All you would have to do is incorporate EATING and I would be in Heaven.
As our favorite crazy whipping boy, Charlie Sheen would say right now:
WINNING!!!
Unfortunately, the job listing closed a week before I saw it.
But, that got me to thinking, and what Kristen and I have been talking about...what are my passions?
Hmmm...well, I know I like to write...
And anyone who knows me knows I like to watch sports.
So, why not do that on my own blog for the time being?
Until mlb.com hopefully picks me up for next year :)
So, first things first...
This Thursday and Friday are two National Holidays for me, aka the first two days of March Madness. And, for the fourth year in a row, I have decided to take those two days off from work.
So, I will blog about the games. ALL OF THEM!!! For at least those two days.
Heck, I was staying home anyways just so I could watch them.
If all goes well, I will blog about Major League Baseball.
Trends/teams (my favorite the Yankees), players, fantasy, etc.
Let's see how it goes.
So, from here on out, you will be hearing much more from me. Mostly sports, but at least this gives me a venue to talk about what I love. And, it gives Kristen a reprieve from all the times I say...
"Honey, did you see that shot?" OR "Honey, I hate AJ Burnett, he can't get past the fifth inning."
Hopefully, I will get pitch a complete game and go the distance through this upcoming baseball season.
GAME ON!!!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Women Do The Darndest Things
I was awakened by a surprising phone call this morning at 12:42 am...
"Huuuhhhhlllloooo" (as I'm still trying to grab my bearings)...
"IS THIS BRIAN???"
"yyyeeeaaahhhh"
"THIS IS YOUR BLOG. I'M OUT OF HIBERNATION AND I'M BAAAACCCCKKKKK. NOW WRITE A POST DAMMIT!"
You know it's bad when your blog calls you out in the middle of the night.
And, I thought for sure the heavy dose of tryptophan I fed my blog would have put it out until at least February.
As I went to work this morning at 3am, I happened to hear one of my co-workers talking to another sleep deprived co-worker saying how he went tie shopping with his little son for the first time. Of course, the non makeup wearing, and in this case, scary looking female co-worker responded, "AAAAWWWW!" in the "That's So Adorable" female tone that they give out.
Women love using the "AAAAWWWW". It's their trademark, ALONG with such hits as
"CUUUUTTTTTEEEE"
AND
Crying Over Sappy Romance Movies Where The Guy Finally Falls For The Girl At The End.
I looked up how many other women in the world were going "AAAAWWWW", in that same moment, 243. I need to thank www.fascinatedbytheaaaawwww.com for that stat.
Other things that make a woman go "AAAAWWWW"...
Puppies
Babies
Puppies Kissing Babies
Little Kids Dressed Up At Church
Anytime They Hear One Of Their Female Friends Talk About How Their Significant Other Gave Them Roses, Made Dinner Or An Unexpected Outgoing Of Emotion Displaying Their Love For Their Female Counterparts.
You know when women don't say "AAAAWWWW"...
Any Other Time
Especially when....
Guys Take The Remotes From Their Wives And Explaining "You Don't Need To Watch The Commercials For Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I Need To Check The Football Score."
Guys Mismatch Their Outfits
Guys Forget To Do Something, Which Is Everyday
OR...
Traffic
You will see the sweetest, cutest women LOSE IT in traffic. I don't know if it's because they don't know when they're going to be let out of traffic OR if they're having trouble playing frogger weaving in and out of clogged lanes looking for "the best angle" OR they have to go home and drink wine (that's my wife's excuse).
So, we have a couple lessons to learn today...
Never Mess With A Woman In Traffic When She Has Her Wine Eyes On
Guys, When Shows Such As Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Dancing With The Stars OR The Bachelor Are On...Under No Circumstance Are You Allowed To Take, Touch OR Even Look At The Remote Until Thirty Minutes After The Show Just In Case They're "Processing" What Happened.
Guys, Always Keep A Baby Or Puppy On Hand When You Mess Up. It's The "Forgiving Elixir"
Finally, Turn Your Phone Off When You Go To Sleep
"Huuuhhhhlllloooo" (as I'm still trying to grab my bearings)...
"IS THIS BRIAN???"
"yyyeeeaaahhhh"
"THIS IS YOUR BLOG. I'M OUT OF HIBERNATION AND I'M BAAAACCCCKKKKK. NOW WRITE A POST DAMMIT!"
You know it's bad when your blog calls you out in the middle of the night.
And, I thought for sure the heavy dose of tryptophan I fed my blog would have put it out until at least February.
As I went to work this morning at 3am, I happened to hear one of my co-workers talking to another sleep deprived co-worker saying how he went tie shopping with his little son for the first time. Of course, the non makeup wearing, and in this case, scary looking female co-worker responded, "AAAAWWWW!" in the "That's So Adorable" female tone that they give out.
Women love using the "AAAAWWWW". It's their trademark, ALONG with such hits as
"CUUUUTTTTTEEEE"
AND
Crying Over Sappy Romance Movies Where The Guy Finally Falls For The Girl At The End.
I looked up how many other women in the world were going "AAAAWWWW", in that same moment, 243. I need to thank www.fascinatedbytheaaaawwww.com for that stat.
Other things that make a woman go "AAAAWWWW"...
Puppies
Babies
Puppies Kissing Babies
Little Kids Dressed Up At Church
Anytime They Hear One Of Their Female Friends Talk About How Their Significant Other Gave Them Roses, Made Dinner Or An Unexpected Outgoing Of Emotion Displaying Their Love For Their Female Counterparts.
You know when women don't say "AAAAWWWW"...
Any Other Time
Especially when....
Guys Take The Remotes From Their Wives And Explaining "You Don't Need To Watch The Commercials For Keeping Up With The Kardashians, I Need To Check The Football Score."
Guys Mismatch Their Outfits
Guys Forget To Do Something, Which Is Everyday
OR...
Traffic
You will see the sweetest, cutest women LOSE IT in traffic. I don't know if it's because they don't know when they're going to be let out of traffic OR if they're having trouble playing frogger weaving in and out of clogged lanes looking for "the best angle" OR they have to go home and drink wine (that's my wife's excuse).
So, we have a couple lessons to learn today...
Never Mess With A Woman In Traffic When She Has Her Wine Eyes On
Guys, When Shows Such As Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Dancing With The Stars OR The Bachelor Are On...Under No Circumstance Are You Allowed To Take, Touch OR Even Look At The Remote Until Thirty Minutes After The Show Just In Case They're "Processing" What Happened.
Guys, Always Keep A Baby Or Puppy On Hand When You Mess Up. It's The "Forgiving Elixir"
Finally, Turn Your Phone Off When You Go To Sleep
Friday, December 10, 2010
Christmas Is Near
I apologize for not being around more often the last couple months. I have been very busy.
I got married in October
I honeymooned shortly thereafter
A week after that, Kristen surprised me with a Shih Tzu/Lhasa Apso puppy for my birthday
Four hours later, I figured out a name...TOBY!!!
Next day, we switched his name to KIRBY!!
Two days later, Kristen officially loved him more than me
I wondered what took so long
Then, the following week I actually had my birthday. A week earlier, Kristen thought that she could get the puppy, then have the breeder hold onto him for an additional week so she could surprise me on my birthday. Once she saw Kirby, she knew she had to take him home that night. Good call!!
Next morning he wakes me up at 530am to go to the bathroom
Next morning 6AM
Next morning 545AM
You get the idea
I call him The Alarm Clock
One of these days I'm going to have a Kirby blog entry
Minutes later, Kristen will scream "Why doesn't Tucker get a blog entry?" She thinks everything has to be completely equal between the pups so that Tucker doesn't get jealous. Tucker seems to be having a blast with his little brother. Kristen is taking his cause on as her own.
Week after my birthday, we had Thanksgiving with all the Cummings' and my parents.
And finally, the last couple weeks we've been driving around, looking at purchasing a home.
Now, Christmas is coming. Settle down...I still haven't started shopping, I still have 15 days.
And, to celebrate our first Christmas as a married couple, Kristen and I are going to get the "Allergy Bomb" aka A Christmas Tree. I'm allergic to everything about it, the tree, the wood, heck even the water we use to make sure the tree doesn't die..everything. Kristen either a) doesn't want a tree or b) wants a fake one, but I refuse.
Hopefully this year goes better than last when I spent an hour outside cutting the tree trunk, yet all we had was a serrated knife. We had to cut it, because Lowe's tree trunk cutting machine was broken. Kristen was thrifty and said...
"Brian will cut it at home. Will you knock ten dollars off the price?"
They did, and I regret it.
After 30 minutes, I remember Kristen coming out to check on me. I was profusely sweating, I grunted at her, mumbled something about why did she feel the need to save ten dollars, I lost the feeling in my forearms twenty minutes earlier, please go back inside. She cheerily went back in. Either that trunk was going to die, or I was.
Fortunately, I won after an hour. One of the proudest moments in our relationship.
This year, to get in the Christmas spirit, I told Kristen I want to listen to Christmas songs when we bring the tree back as well as when we're decorating. She agrees but not before throwing in an amendment...she'd be a great Washington politician.
"We have to listen to JaRule on the way there"
JaRule is some form of hip hop star that my wife loves. Who doesn't think hip hop, JaRule, booty shaking, when it comes to Christmas? If it was up to her, she would have had JaRule come to our wedding, dance our first dance and serenade her all at the same time. I would have been in the corner eating cupcakes.
Why my lovely wife adores JaRule? I have no idea. I don't even knowing if I'm spelling JaRule correctly. But, back in the day, one of her favorite booty dancing songs was JaRule featuring Vida featuring her and her Best Buddy dancing. All the time to this song and anything else that screams hip hop.
You ever watch The Price Is Right when someone is called down from the crowd to participate and they look as happy as someone who won the actual lottery. That's the same surprised giddiness that Kristen and Best Buddy have when they hear JaRule.
And now it's been incorporated into our first married Christmas.
Lesson we've learned here...
According to my wife, Christmas songs need to be more hip hop.
The other lesson...she will opt to save another ten dollars so I can cut the trunk again, giving her time, inside the house, to sneak in JaRule, Vida, Ashanti, T-Pain, whomever, while I pass out on the sidewalk again.
So, even though Jesus was born in a manger in Bethlehem, and we sing O Holy Night, my wife would rather hear songs like Holla Holla, Mesmerize or Livin It Up. I'm sure that's EXACTLY what God had in mind for Christmas.
The only thing I can hope for...our kids not coming out of the womb with hats on backwards flashing gang signs, while her mother flashes them back. You better believe as soon as they're born, and the doctor says "It's a (Boy or Girl)"...Kristen will yell, "Best Buddy, (she's a nurse so she's allowed in), HIT IT!!!" And something like Ride With Me will blare across the delivery room and they will both be dancing. Kristen Ann everyone!!!
I got married in October
I honeymooned shortly thereafter
A week after that, Kristen surprised me with a Shih Tzu/Lhasa Apso puppy for my birthday
Four hours later, I figured out a name...TOBY!!!
Next day, we switched his name to KIRBY!!
Two days later, Kristen officially loved him more than me
I wondered what took so long
Then, the following week I actually had my birthday. A week earlier, Kristen thought that she could get the puppy, then have the breeder hold onto him for an additional week so she could surprise me on my birthday. Once she saw Kirby, she knew she had to take him home that night. Good call!!
Next morning he wakes me up at 530am to go to the bathroom
Next morning 6AM
Next morning 545AM
You get the idea
I call him The Alarm Clock
One of these days I'm going to have a Kirby blog entry
Minutes later, Kristen will scream "Why doesn't Tucker get a blog entry?" She thinks everything has to be completely equal between the pups so that Tucker doesn't get jealous. Tucker seems to be having a blast with his little brother. Kristen is taking his cause on as her own.
Week after my birthday, we had Thanksgiving with all the Cummings' and my parents.
And finally, the last couple weeks we've been driving around, looking at purchasing a home.
Now, Christmas is coming. Settle down...I still haven't started shopping, I still have 15 days.
And, to celebrate our first Christmas as a married couple, Kristen and I are going to get the "Allergy Bomb" aka A Christmas Tree. I'm allergic to everything about it, the tree, the wood, heck even the water we use to make sure the tree doesn't die..everything. Kristen either a) doesn't want a tree or b) wants a fake one, but I refuse.
Hopefully this year goes better than last when I spent an hour outside cutting the tree trunk, yet all we had was a serrated knife. We had to cut it, because Lowe's tree trunk cutting machine was broken. Kristen was thrifty and said...
"Brian will cut it at home. Will you knock ten dollars off the price?"
They did, and I regret it.
After 30 minutes, I remember Kristen coming out to check on me. I was profusely sweating, I grunted at her, mumbled something about why did she feel the need to save ten dollars, I lost the feeling in my forearms twenty minutes earlier, please go back inside. She cheerily went back in. Either that trunk was going to die, or I was.
Fortunately, I won after an hour. One of the proudest moments in our relationship.
This year, to get in the Christmas spirit, I told Kristen I want to listen to Christmas songs when we bring the tree back as well as when we're decorating. She agrees but not before throwing in an amendment...she'd be a great Washington politician.
"We have to listen to JaRule on the way there"
JaRule is some form of hip hop star that my wife loves. Who doesn't think hip hop, JaRule, booty shaking, when it comes to Christmas? If it was up to her, she would have had JaRule come to our wedding, dance our first dance and serenade her all at the same time. I would have been in the corner eating cupcakes.
Why my lovely wife adores JaRule? I have no idea. I don't even knowing if I'm spelling JaRule correctly. But, back in the day, one of her favorite booty dancing songs was JaRule featuring Vida featuring her and her Best Buddy dancing. All the time to this song and anything else that screams hip hop.
You ever watch The Price Is Right when someone is called down from the crowd to participate and they look as happy as someone who won the actual lottery. That's the same surprised giddiness that Kristen and Best Buddy have when they hear JaRule.
And now it's been incorporated into our first married Christmas.
Lesson we've learned here...
According to my wife, Christmas songs need to be more hip hop.
The other lesson...she will opt to save another ten dollars so I can cut the trunk again, giving her time, inside the house, to sneak in JaRule, Vida, Ashanti, T-Pain, whomever, while I pass out on the sidewalk again.
So, even though Jesus was born in a manger in Bethlehem, and we sing O Holy Night, my wife would rather hear songs like Holla Holla, Mesmerize or Livin It Up. I'm sure that's EXACTLY what God had in mind for Christmas.
The only thing I can hope for...our kids not coming out of the womb with hats on backwards flashing gang signs, while her mother flashes them back. You better believe as soon as they're born, and the doctor says "It's a (Boy or Girl)"...Kristen will yell, "Best Buddy, (she's a nurse so she's allowed in), HIT IT!!!" And something like Ride With Me will blare across the delivery room and they will both be dancing. Kristen Ann everyone!!!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
We Made It!!!
Kristen and I come to you from the Man Cave. Since we got married, I moved in to her place and immediately transformed her place into a Guy's Haven. Every room has two HD tv's for multiple sports watching. There are framed baseball jerseys hanging on the walls. I've put up my Don Mattingly poster (favorite baseball player as a kid), I have my wrestling action figurines out, begging Kristen to play, she doesn't. Sad all around. I've made the place my own.
And if you actually believe any of that, I'm also going to convince you that the Loch Ness Monster is real; though I do actually believe that, so that's an indictment on me, DAMN!
Kristen and I are doing great. We had an amazing time at the rehearsal dinner, wedding and on our honeymoon. There are so many people to thank, so if I forget any, I apologize. And since I'm not coming to you from my Fictional Man Cave, but instead from Borders sitting by myself, while Kristen "wines" it up with her friend, Julie, in place of Kristen's fond memories and thanks, I'll take up her cause.
Our parents were unbelievably supportive with their love and constant guidance. Kristen and I were running around a lot days before the wedding and our parents kept reminding us what's important wasn't crossing the things off our "to do list", but to focus on our wedding, family and friends. How right they were. Whether it was at our Mexican themed Rehearsal Dinner or our rain free wedding, I didn't find myself wondering, "Do we have enough candles?", "Is there enough alcohol?", "Why is your Uncle Ralphy hitting on my Granny?" (there's no such Ralphy), BUT I found myself having fun with all my family, friends and most importantly, Kristen.
Our groomsmen and bridesmaids were just the best. There's no other way to put it. I honestly want to enter all of them into the inevitable development television program coming out in 2014 called "Groomsmen/Bridesmaids Road Rules Challenge", and I firmly believe our group would beat everyone else in the competition.
Whether it was Wiedy coming in for 48 hours despite him being the busiest guy I know with work, politics, Big Brother/Big Sister, etc., Christina skipping out of work for 24 hours from D.C. just so she could be here, Aaron Lee and Shana Laflin taking time out of saving lives as doctors, Best Buddy taking time out of saving lives as a nurse as well as being a fantastic mother to Baby Best Buddy Cooper, Kevin Malick taking time out of trying to recover our country from the economic swoon because of his banking buddies (I kid Malick, I know it's not TOTALLY your fault), Kate Shugart coming down from Tallahassee as she's on her way to her eventual Rhodes Scholar (she's one of the smartest people I know), Tiffany Davies from New York City where she braves the cold, and sometimes nasty demeanor of NYC-ians even though she's one of the sweetest people I know and I can't imagine her ever getting mad, Tim Cowan from New York where he also made Orlando another tour stop for him and his "Quest To Eat Around The World" (I was a proud papa wedding day when he ordered, for himself, two full meals and an appetizer from 4Rivers Barbecue), my Best Man Kevin Bachman for coming down from Cleveland, leaving their two month old baby girl behind to be here for anything that I needed (and trust me, I put him to the test with all my errands), and to SuperMOH Megan Denk for exceeding above and beyond being there for all of Kristen's needs, whether it be giving her a drink for a toast, two seconds before "CHEERS", noticing she doesn't have one, constantly "Bustling A Dress" (and I still don't know what that means, and trust me, most guys don't) and making sure Kristen's nerves weren't too frayed beforehand. Thank you to all of you! We can't thank you enough!
I was never really nervous pre-wedding. I took pictures with my guys couple hours before, and we couldn't stop laughing. Here are some of them if you want to take a look, scroll down to the October 25th post.
http://www.ashleymccormickphotography.com/blog/
When the wedding started, and I was walking up to the front, I couldn't help but be emotional. I was a bit surprised. I remember praying to God days before asking Him to give me peace and just take everything in and focus on Kristen. And God helped me for sure!
As I was waiting, and the bridesmaids were walking down, all I kept staring at was the door leading out to the lawn where our wedding was taking place. It's like nothing else mattered to me. I remember fighting off tears (which might make me sound a little sensitive, but oh well). My Best Man Kevin leaned over and told me how proud he was of me. Our minister asked me, "Are you ready for the best moment of your life?" That really got me. Good job Eddie.
When Kristen walked out, I couldn't have ever been happier. She looked gorgeous in her wedding dress. Granted her and her Dad were crying, but she looked radiant. That made me cry a little more.
When the wedding started, I remember only looking at her the whole time. I didn't even really notice anyone else in the crowd. Perfect. There were moments when we casually kissed before we were granted husband and wife and SuperMOH gave us a look like the "Wedding Referees" were going to kick us out, or I was sweating enough that Kristen dabbed my forehead, the thing I will remember the most was looking into her green eyes, and vowing to her and to God that I will be faithful, loving and supportive through thick and thin, and that I will be there for her for the rest of my life. I will never forget that moment.
When the reception started, we came out to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi, and as we were introduced our friends had strobe lights around us acting as cameramen. We first danced to You And Me by Dave Matthews Band. We ate some, drank few, had great Best Man and Maid Of Honor speeches, she stuffed cupcake in my face for pictures, she danced with her Dad, I danced with my Mom, we eventually danced with everyone; including her constantly dancing to booty shaking music with her Florida Gator girls. Looking back on it, October 23rd was the best day of my life. It was the perfect day for me.
The next morning we went to Hawaii where we spent a week snorkeling, eating, ziplining, drinking and eating, swimming, more eating, luau-ing, and drinking, beaching, and eating and you get the point. Granted I ate 70% to Kristen's 30% and now that I'm back, I'm down to four meals a day, Hawaii did something to our souls. We had no timetable, no schedule, whatever we wanted. I wanted to stay out there and never come back. She wanted to get back to Tucker; who can blame her. He made a blog while he was at Grandmom's and Grandpop's...
http://tuckerbachman.tumblr.com/
Kristen posted a lot of Honeymoon pictures on her facebook and she tagged me so they are on mine as well. Please take a look, they are great.
Now, our nights are free for the most part. Nothing to plan, only a lot of great times to be had. I can't wait.
Finally, I knew for a long time that I wanted to marry the love of my life, Kristen Ann Cumming. She has the best and most kind spirit of anyone I've ever met. She's absolutely amazing and I am so blessed to have her be my wife.
I'll get back to writing funny blog entries, but for now, I'm still in wedding glow mode. Thanks Honey. You couldn't have made me happier.
Kristen Ann Bachman...now THAT has a great ring to it :)
And if you actually believe any of that, I'm also going to convince you that the Loch Ness Monster is real; though I do actually believe that, so that's an indictment on me, DAMN!
Kristen and I are doing great. We had an amazing time at the rehearsal dinner, wedding and on our honeymoon. There are so many people to thank, so if I forget any, I apologize. And since I'm not coming to you from my Fictional Man Cave, but instead from Borders sitting by myself, while Kristen "wines" it up with her friend, Julie, in place of Kristen's fond memories and thanks, I'll take up her cause.
Our parents were unbelievably supportive with their love and constant guidance. Kristen and I were running around a lot days before the wedding and our parents kept reminding us what's important wasn't crossing the things off our "to do list", but to focus on our wedding, family and friends. How right they were. Whether it was at our Mexican themed Rehearsal Dinner or our rain free wedding, I didn't find myself wondering, "Do we have enough candles?", "Is there enough alcohol?", "Why is your Uncle Ralphy hitting on my Granny?" (there's no such Ralphy), BUT I found myself having fun with all my family, friends and most importantly, Kristen.
Our groomsmen and bridesmaids were just the best. There's no other way to put it. I honestly want to enter all of them into the inevitable development television program coming out in 2014 called "Groomsmen/Bridesmaids Road Rules Challenge", and I firmly believe our group would beat everyone else in the competition.
Whether it was Wiedy coming in for 48 hours despite him being the busiest guy I know with work, politics, Big Brother/Big Sister, etc., Christina skipping out of work for 24 hours from D.C. just so she could be here, Aaron Lee and Shana Laflin taking time out of saving lives as doctors, Best Buddy taking time out of saving lives as a nurse as well as being a fantastic mother to Baby Best Buddy Cooper, Kevin Malick taking time out of trying to recover our country from the economic swoon because of his banking buddies (I kid Malick, I know it's not TOTALLY your fault), Kate Shugart coming down from Tallahassee as she's on her way to her eventual Rhodes Scholar (she's one of the smartest people I know), Tiffany Davies from New York City where she braves the cold, and sometimes nasty demeanor of NYC-ians even though she's one of the sweetest people I know and I can't imagine her ever getting mad, Tim Cowan from New York where he also made Orlando another tour stop for him and his "Quest To Eat Around The World" (I was a proud papa wedding day when he ordered, for himself, two full meals and an appetizer from 4Rivers Barbecue), my Best Man Kevin Bachman for coming down from Cleveland, leaving their two month old baby girl behind to be here for anything that I needed (and trust me, I put him to the test with all my errands), and to SuperMOH Megan Denk for exceeding above and beyond being there for all of Kristen's needs, whether it be giving her a drink for a toast, two seconds before "CHEERS", noticing she doesn't have one, constantly "Bustling A Dress" (and I still don't know what that means, and trust me, most guys don't) and making sure Kristen's nerves weren't too frayed beforehand. Thank you to all of you! We can't thank you enough!
I was never really nervous pre-wedding. I took pictures with my guys couple hours before, and we couldn't stop laughing. Here are some of them if you want to take a look, scroll down to the October 25th post.
http://www.ashleymccormickphotography.com/blog/
When the wedding started, and I was walking up to the front, I couldn't help but be emotional. I was a bit surprised. I remember praying to God days before asking Him to give me peace and just take everything in and focus on Kristen. And God helped me for sure!
As I was waiting, and the bridesmaids were walking down, all I kept staring at was the door leading out to the lawn where our wedding was taking place. It's like nothing else mattered to me. I remember fighting off tears (which might make me sound a little sensitive, but oh well). My Best Man Kevin leaned over and told me how proud he was of me. Our minister asked me, "Are you ready for the best moment of your life?" That really got me. Good job Eddie.
When Kristen walked out, I couldn't have ever been happier. She looked gorgeous in her wedding dress. Granted her and her Dad were crying, but she looked radiant. That made me cry a little more.
When the wedding started, I remember only looking at her the whole time. I didn't even really notice anyone else in the crowd. Perfect. There were moments when we casually kissed before we were granted husband and wife and SuperMOH gave us a look like the "Wedding Referees" were going to kick us out, or I was sweating enough that Kristen dabbed my forehead, the thing I will remember the most was looking into her green eyes, and vowing to her and to God that I will be faithful, loving and supportive through thick and thin, and that I will be there for her for the rest of my life. I will never forget that moment.
When the reception started, we came out to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi, and as we were introduced our friends had strobe lights around us acting as cameramen. We first danced to You And Me by Dave Matthews Band. We ate some, drank few, had great Best Man and Maid Of Honor speeches, she stuffed cupcake in my face for pictures, she danced with her Dad, I danced with my Mom, we eventually danced with everyone; including her constantly dancing to booty shaking music with her Florida Gator girls. Looking back on it, October 23rd was the best day of my life. It was the perfect day for me.
The next morning we went to Hawaii where we spent a week snorkeling, eating, ziplining, drinking and eating, swimming, more eating, luau-ing, and drinking, beaching, and eating and you get the point. Granted I ate 70% to Kristen's 30% and now that I'm back, I'm down to four meals a day, Hawaii did something to our souls. We had no timetable, no schedule, whatever we wanted. I wanted to stay out there and never come back. She wanted to get back to Tucker; who can blame her. He made a blog while he was at Grandmom's and Grandpop's...
http://tuckerbachman.tumblr.com/
Kristen posted a lot of Honeymoon pictures on her facebook and she tagged me so they are on mine as well. Please take a look, they are great.
Now, our nights are free for the most part. Nothing to plan, only a lot of great times to be had. I can't wait.
Finally, I knew for a long time that I wanted to marry the love of my life, Kristen Ann Cumming. She has the best and most kind spirit of anyone I've ever met. She's absolutely amazing and I am so blessed to have her be my wife.
I'll get back to writing funny blog entries, but for now, I'm still in wedding glow mode. Thanks Honey. You couldn't have made me happier.
Kristen Ann Bachman...now THAT has a great ring to it :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Close Call
As the sand slowly runs out of the hour glass towards our Saturday wedding, Kristen and I have picked up the pace. Lots of things to do, little time to do them. So, it didn't surprise me when I was told Saturday evening, that the following morning, we needed to be in Tampa at 730am to meet up with my Mom about some quilting mishap, and Kristen had fabric that needed to get to my Mom (for some reason, I was told they sold out of that fabric in Ft. Myers), so we had to meet halfway in Tampa. Confused, I didn't ask too many questions. Ride the wave!
All the women out there are saying right now..."Not too many questions??? You're going to be a great husband. Ride the wave!"
I wake up early Sunday, pick Kristen up and we're off. On the way down there, she tells me she's feeling sick and she needs breakfast to get some food in her stomach, and to stop off at Panera. When we stop, I get out of the car, and I see Kristen's Dad yelling at me "Hey Bri, this is your Day." I'm thinking...
"Small world, Kristen's Dad is here. He must be meeting up with some friends."
And...
"Her Dad's confused. The wedding is next Saturday. Why is he confused?"
As I go over to talk to him, I notice some of my friends behind him.
"Why is Kristen videotaping this with her iPhone?"
Oh...little, sneaky Kristen pulled one over on me and we're not going to Tampa, but I'm going somewhere else. She hands me Dramamine and says, "You'll need this."
Uh oh!!
They take me deep sea fishing in the Atlantic. Great!!!
Except I've never gone fishing. Hence the Dramamine.
So, we drive over to the ocean, hop on a boat, and we're off. Half hour later, through a high speed boat's bumpy ride, we make it out there. I'm so proud of myself, I didn't yack.
Streak Alive. STREAK ALIVE!!! For anyone who doesn't know me, I haven't puked, yacked, thrown up, blown chunks in 14 1/2 years. I'm more proud of this than anything I've done including graduate college. Sure, people get a college degree, but look at this degree I made up for myself...what's it read, oh yeah...
"Least Likely To Vomit...This Guy!!!"
Then, Bill Joseph, Kristen's Dad's friend who owns the boat, anchors it and says, "Alright, if anyone is going to get sick now would be the time."
As Scooby Doo says, "RUH ROH!!!"
I eat a sandwich, because I had not eaten anything at that point. I need to get some food in me, so I don't get sick.
They show me how to fish, for two reasons...
1) So, I can have fun.
2) So, I don't break the fishing rod, hook someone in the eye or scare away any of the fish with my dis-telligence (word I created as the opposite of intelligence).
After 15 minutes, I'm having a great time. First thing I pull out is a mini shark. Apparently, there are a ton of them where we are. Little buggers got some chompers on them. Yes, you do. YES YOU DO!!! We throw all the mini sharks back.
Get some gutter fish, throw them back.
Not pulling anything out that we can actually take home with us, hang on our mantel and wonder why our significant others won't spend time with us in that room. Is it us? Should we not have changed deodorant?? I knew that sales lady didn't know what she was talking about.
Then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Staring at the water, the waves, the constant rocking of the boat, here comes the nausea.
There's two reasons why God looked at me before I was born, and said, "Yep, he can't get pregnant."
1) I'm a guy and that'd be difficult with our parts.
2) I'd never make it out of morning sickness. I'd go to the hospital all the time for my nausea. I'd go so often they'd give me a "Go Ten Times Get The Eleventh Visit Free" punch card.
After thirty minutes, I stop fishing. They can see I'm turning pale. So I go up to the front of the boat for some self reflection. Who am I kidding? I'm praying to God I don't lose it on this man's boat.
Breeze is hitting me...I don't feel better. Eyes getting droopy, focus on the horizon. Lips getting numb...that can't be good. More praying. More thinking about Kristen and telling her I love her as if she's there.
Seriously, you would have thought I was going in for major surgery. I was sea sick. That's all.
"Just make yourself vomit, you'll feel better."
(mumbling)..."I have a streak."
"WHAT???"
(more inaudible mumbling, horizon watching, boat rocking)
I then proceed to eulogize the Streak.
"Hey, we've been together a long time. We've had some many great memories. You've been with me through high school graduation, pledging a fraternity, (remember that time I thought we were going to part ways in the fraternity house bathroom, but you stayed with me), we made it through college, and even ten years after. I can't believe food poisoning never broke us up. I can't believe those rare times I've heard or smelled other people's vomit, you've stuck with me. Or the times Tucker has a really, and I mean, stop traffic, get the Haz Mat Suits, really smelly poop, you've been with me. Nerves, roller coaster rides, alcohol, helicopter rides, we've done it all the last 14 1/2 years. If it's time to go, it's time to go. I'll never start another Streak. There can't be another Streak like you. You were the best. So, if you're going to do your thing, let's get this over with."
You know what? My Streak listened and he didn't want to part ways either. Maybe I've meant too much to him through all the moves around the country (maybe I'm making more of this than I should)...
Everyone: "YES YOU ARE!!!"
Whatever. But, I will tell you this, if I met someone today and I said, "I got straight A's in college"
OR...
"I haven't thrown up in 14 1/2 years."
What are they taking away from that conversation?
Exactly!
So, I never yacked. Spent 45 minutes of my life on the front of that boat, wishing this harm on no one. Felt better and enjoyed the rest of my day with everyone else on the back of the boat.
I would truly like to thank Brandi Mattox for putting this together. She was awesome in getting the guys together to do this....Felipe, Eric, Bret (Brandi's boy toy, I mean husband), Matty, Louie, Kristen's Dad and Bill Joseph...thank you so much, guys. Even though I memorialize the sea sickness, that was really only about 10% of my entire fun filled day with these guys. I had a fantastic time. I will never forget it, and it truly means the world to me that you would all do this for me. I can't thank you enough.
All the women out there are saying right now..."Not too many questions??? You're going to be a great husband. Ride the wave!"
I wake up early Sunday, pick Kristen up and we're off. On the way down there, she tells me she's feeling sick and she needs breakfast to get some food in her stomach, and to stop off at Panera. When we stop, I get out of the car, and I see Kristen's Dad yelling at me "Hey Bri, this is your Day." I'm thinking...
"Small world, Kristen's Dad is here. He must be meeting up with some friends."
And...
"Her Dad's confused. The wedding is next Saturday. Why is he confused?"
As I go over to talk to him, I notice some of my friends behind him.
"Why is Kristen videotaping this with her iPhone?"
Oh...little, sneaky Kristen pulled one over on me and we're not going to Tampa, but I'm going somewhere else. She hands me Dramamine and says, "You'll need this."
Uh oh!!
They take me deep sea fishing in the Atlantic. Great!!!
Except I've never gone fishing. Hence the Dramamine.
So, we drive over to the ocean, hop on a boat, and we're off. Half hour later, through a high speed boat's bumpy ride, we make it out there. I'm so proud of myself, I didn't yack.
Streak Alive. STREAK ALIVE!!! For anyone who doesn't know me, I haven't puked, yacked, thrown up, blown chunks in 14 1/2 years. I'm more proud of this than anything I've done including graduate college. Sure, people get a college degree, but look at this degree I made up for myself...what's it read, oh yeah...
"Least Likely To Vomit...This Guy!!!"
Then, Bill Joseph, Kristen's Dad's friend who owns the boat, anchors it and says, "Alright, if anyone is going to get sick now would be the time."
As Scooby Doo says, "RUH ROH!!!"
I eat a sandwich, because I had not eaten anything at that point. I need to get some food in me, so I don't get sick.
They show me how to fish, for two reasons...
1) So, I can have fun.
2) So, I don't break the fishing rod, hook someone in the eye or scare away any of the fish with my dis-telligence (word I created as the opposite of intelligence).
After 15 minutes, I'm having a great time. First thing I pull out is a mini shark. Apparently, there are a ton of them where we are. Little buggers got some chompers on them. Yes, you do. YES YOU DO!!! We throw all the mini sharks back.
Get some gutter fish, throw them back.
Not pulling anything out that we can actually take home with us, hang on our mantel and wonder why our significant others won't spend time with us in that room. Is it us? Should we not have changed deodorant?? I knew that sales lady didn't know what she was talking about.
Then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Staring at the water, the waves, the constant rocking of the boat, here comes the nausea.
There's two reasons why God looked at me before I was born, and said, "Yep, he can't get pregnant."
1) I'm a guy and that'd be difficult with our parts.
2) I'd never make it out of morning sickness. I'd go to the hospital all the time for my nausea. I'd go so often they'd give me a "Go Ten Times Get The Eleventh Visit Free" punch card.
After thirty minutes, I stop fishing. They can see I'm turning pale. So I go up to the front of the boat for some self reflection. Who am I kidding? I'm praying to God I don't lose it on this man's boat.
Breeze is hitting me...I don't feel better. Eyes getting droopy, focus on the horizon. Lips getting numb...that can't be good. More praying. More thinking about Kristen and telling her I love her as if she's there.
Seriously, you would have thought I was going in for major surgery. I was sea sick. That's all.
"Just make yourself vomit, you'll feel better."
(mumbling)..."I have a streak."
"WHAT???"
(more inaudible mumbling, horizon watching, boat rocking)
I then proceed to eulogize the Streak.
"Hey, we've been together a long time. We've had some many great memories. You've been with me through high school graduation, pledging a fraternity, (remember that time I thought we were going to part ways in the fraternity house bathroom, but you stayed with me), we made it through college, and even ten years after. I can't believe food poisoning never broke us up. I can't believe those rare times I've heard or smelled other people's vomit, you've stuck with me. Or the times Tucker has a really, and I mean, stop traffic, get the Haz Mat Suits, really smelly poop, you've been with me. Nerves, roller coaster rides, alcohol, helicopter rides, we've done it all the last 14 1/2 years. If it's time to go, it's time to go. I'll never start another Streak. There can't be another Streak like you. You were the best. So, if you're going to do your thing, let's get this over with."
You know what? My Streak listened and he didn't want to part ways either. Maybe I've meant too much to him through all the moves around the country (maybe I'm making more of this than I should)...
Everyone: "YES YOU ARE!!!"
Whatever. But, I will tell you this, if I met someone today and I said, "I got straight A's in college"
OR...
"I haven't thrown up in 14 1/2 years."
What are they taking away from that conversation?
Exactly!
So, I never yacked. Spent 45 minutes of my life on the front of that boat, wishing this harm on no one. Felt better and enjoyed the rest of my day with everyone else on the back of the boat.
I would truly like to thank Brandi Mattox for putting this together. She was awesome in getting the guys together to do this....Felipe, Eric, Bret (Brandi's boy toy, I mean husband), Matty, Louie, Kristen's Dad and Bill Joseph...thank you so much, guys. Even though I memorialize the sea sickness, that was really only about 10% of my entire fun filled day with these guys. I had a fantastic time. I will never forget it, and it truly means the world to me that you would all do this for me. I can't thank you enough.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Eight Days
With the wedding only eight days away, we can clearly see the finish line. Seating chart...done (Kristen did a fantastic job even after she had to redo the entire thing only two days ago), music requests done, convincing my Mom to decorate our Mexican themed Rehearsal Dinner otherwise I would have put up a lot of Yankees wallpaper, pictures and autographed bats...Done!!!
However, one element we will leave up to the final minutes is the weather. Because Florida is a land mass with two huge bodies of water on both sides, makes thunderstorms more the norm than the exception, especially in the summer months.
Kristen is checking the ten day forecast everyday. I assume that's good. At some point, I think she will start checking every hour.
Last night she got on her iPhone.
"Oh S%&*, it's supposed to rain next Saturday."
Me: "Really???" (thinking Kristen will be a real treat leading up if she knows this already)
Kristen: "(more expletives)"
Me: (damage control mode, "dc" and I are tight) "it's going to be alright Honey. You know that meteorologists say that anything after 48 hours isn't truly accurate."
Kristen: "Oh crap. Crap!!! Crap!!! Crap!!! What's the difference between an isolated thunderstorm and scattered showers?"
I could explain the difference but my long winded answer will take me right up to the wedding if I type it all out on my iPhone right now.
Kristen: "You know it calls for 40% chance of rain."
Me: "OK (thinking it could call for 10%, she will still worry like all brides before her)"
Kristen: "OHHH!!!!"
Me: "What is it???"
Kristen: "Nevermind, that was the ten day forecast for Las Vegas. Oh, there we go (going through her iPhone weather app), there's Orlando, looks good."
My soon to be wifey everyone!!!
However, one element we will leave up to the final minutes is the weather. Because Florida is a land mass with two huge bodies of water on both sides, makes thunderstorms more the norm than the exception, especially in the summer months.
Kristen is checking the ten day forecast everyday. I assume that's good. At some point, I think she will start checking every hour.
Last night she got on her iPhone.
"Oh S%&*, it's supposed to rain next Saturday."
Me: "Really???" (thinking Kristen will be a real treat leading up if she knows this already)
Kristen: "(more expletives)"
Me: (damage control mode, "dc" and I are tight) "it's going to be alright Honey. You know that meteorologists say that anything after 48 hours isn't truly accurate."
Kristen: "Oh crap. Crap!!! Crap!!! Crap!!! What's the difference between an isolated thunderstorm and scattered showers?"
I could explain the difference but my long winded answer will take me right up to the wedding if I type it all out on my iPhone right now.
Kristen: "You know it calls for 40% chance of rain."
Me: "OK (thinking it could call for 10%, she will still worry like all brides before her)"
Kristen: "OHHH!!!!"
Me: "What is it???"
Kristen: "Nevermind, that was the ten day forecast for Las Vegas. Oh, there we go (going through her iPhone weather app), there's Orlando, looks good."
My soon to be wifey everyone!!!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
T-minus 13 days
I'm sorry I've been on blogcation for three plus weeks. I have a viable excuse...
Wait for it...
WAIT!!!
I promise it will be good.
Not really. I've yet to figure out how to cram 26 hours into a day. I do have my top crack staff working on it. His name is Tucker. He's a cockapoo. If anyone can sleep the day away and yet still have time to do everything he wants to like ball, eat, kiss, get belly rubs and poop, he's the guy.
Now if I could only get him to wake up and focus...
Because of my slack staff's distractions, I haven't had much time in my everyday life. With the wedding coming up, we're on full board Wedding Prep 303..,see we already graduated the Wedding Prep 101 Course in March, which consisted of dj, caterer, photographer, venue.
Then, in August, we finished Marriage Prep 202...engagement photos, invites, bridal shower, bachelor party, cupcakes...seriously, SweetbyHolly should give me commission every time I mention them or their website sweetbyholly.com and our 360 mini cupcakes with nine different flavors for the wedding, and I'm doing a poor job of showing that's the thing I'm most looking forward to eating at the wedding, aren't I? It's not obvious or anything, right?
As of right now, we're in "Cockpit Doors Are Closed, Safety Belts Are On, Plane Is Taxiing Away From the Gate, We're Running You Through The Safety Procedures" portion of wedding plans. Tonight...seating chart, rehearsal dinner catering, gifts, wedding playlist. It never ends.
All the married women are nodding, "Yep...hmmm...you know that's right."
All the married men are saying, "What's that all about?"
I really wonder what we're going to do with our everyday lives in November.
We're having a great time, just very preoccupied with all our free time going towards Operation October 23rd.
So, since we haven't talked in awhile, I'm going to do a hits and misses. For those who don't know what that is, hits and misses is time for me to praise or rant about things I like or don't like.
For example, a hit is T-minus 10 days until my boy Timmy comes down and we can chow down Four Rivers Barbecue style. Best barbecue place I've ever been to (sorry Rochesterians, it's better than Dinosaur, yep, I said it, that did it, I'm not welcome back, they're putting my picture up at the airport as we speak).
I've written about Timmy before, let's say he enjoys food. Heck, who are we kidding? Timmy can THROW DOWN!!! I saw him just two weeks ago when he came to visit Kristen and I in Cleveland, while we were visiting my new niece Alexis and my brother Kevin and sister in law Angela. Couple things...one, Alexis is cute; only a month and a half old, or as Kevin and Angela would say, Two Weeks Worth of Lost Sleep. She doesn't do much other than sleep during the day and up at night, eat, poop, and make adorable grunts and gurgling noises; she definitely gets that from my brother (when he does it, he's usually trying to get up from the couch after his knees hurt from softball, not the same level of cuteness). Second, when we saw Tim, he THREW DOWN two cheesesteaks like they were an appetizer. I love seeing it. His wife, Jess probably doesn't like that I encourage it, but you know what I say...T-minus 13 days. I can use that excuse for anything right now...it's a total Get Out Of Jail Free Card. I love it! When Kristen gets pregnant, I can use...
"Baby In The Oven" card, anytime I push us through a crowded street, mall or down here, an ice cream shop.
"Sympathy Weight", reason enough to not work out and eat whatever I want. I'm sure that will Kristen feel better.
Anyways, back from Tangentville, when TC comes down, it's on. He loves the barbecue. I'm planning on taking two hours out of my day for lunch to do this. I just hope they don't kick us out of the restaurant, after he goes back up for thirds. I do hope he starts fist pounding the guy who's cutting the meat. Tim, if you could work a fist pump into barbecue visit, I'd be mighty impressed.
Another hit...Timmy for getting so much traffic on my blog, after he posted the "Albert or Otto" poll on a Syracuse fan website. We were leading there for awhile, until Kristen called in the Florida Mafia and 24 hours later, we were down 70 votes. As Kristen put it last night...
Kristen: "Tell Tim he started it and I finished it."
Very distressing. Oh well. I can lean on this interaction we had today...
Me: "Honey, do you know Syracuse (4-1) has a better record than Florida (4-2)?"
Kristen: (silence, Death Stare)...
You can have the vote. We'll take a better winning percentage.
And my last hit to our wedding minister...Eddie from our church, Summit. We met with him last week. We're very excited about what he's bringing to our ceremony. Ask him to do a handstand, he'll do it.
Eddie, here's to hoping you'll learn how to do a handstand in the next 13 days. No pressure or anything. Only counts if you can "stand" for ten seconds. Or if you do it on your way into the ceremony.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog. I really appreciate it. The numbers are way up; over 1500. Keep telling people to hop on. Very exciting.
Now on to some misses...
The new M Night Shyamalan movie, Devil. Don't watch. Not really scary, just stupid. Come on M Night, I keep waiting for a good movie since "I See Dead People", I know you have it in you. Please!!!
The Euros for beating us Americans in the Ryder Cup last weekend. The U.S. came back from four points down, late, to tie it only to lose again. For those who don't understand golf, I know that last sentence meant nothing to you, so I'll translate...We Lost!
The Florida weather for still staying in the low 90s or as Kristen calls it, "Why Do I Bother Doing My Hair When I Just Walk Outside In The Humidity And It Now Looks Like THIS???" time of the year.
Drivers on I-4. There's a reason this is one of the more dangerous highways in the country. Shifting in and out of lanes at 75 in a 55, without a blinker, or a Hand Wave is just irresponsible people. Or the "Crap, I have a quarter mile until the exit, let's go across four lanes of heavy traffic without a blinker" is never a safe move either. Come on, we all have families.
My fantasy auction draft idea for the seating chart for not getting started. I'm telling you this is going to happen, I should write a manifesto on this, so no one steals my secret. I'll write that "to do" down on my ever growing list of "to do's". I'm very passionate about this idea. It can get everyone involved weeks before the wedding.
And that concludes hits and misses for now. If people have something you want me to touch on, I'd be more than happy to do so.
Thanks again! Now, I just need to wake up my crack staff (Tucker)....
WAKE UP!!!!!!!! Oh, look at that, he wants to play ball. Not shocking!!!
Wait for it...
WAIT!!!
I promise it will be good.
Not really. I've yet to figure out how to cram 26 hours into a day. I do have my top crack staff working on it. His name is Tucker. He's a cockapoo. If anyone can sleep the day away and yet still have time to do everything he wants to like ball, eat, kiss, get belly rubs and poop, he's the guy.
Now if I could only get him to wake up and focus...
Because of my slack staff's distractions, I haven't had much time in my everyday life. With the wedding coming up, we're on full board Wedding Prep 303..,see we already graduated the Wedding Prep 101 Course in March, which consisted of dj, caterer, photographer, venue.
Then, in August, we finished Marriage Prep 202...engagement photos, invites, bridal shower, bachelor party, cupcakes...seriously, SweetbyHolly should give me commission every time I mention them or their website sweetbyholly.com and our 360 mini cupcakes with nine different flavors for the wedding, and I'm doing a poor job of showing that's the thing I'm most looking forward to eating at the wedding, aren't I? It's not obvious or anything, right?
As of right now, we're in "Cockpit Doors Are Closed, Safety Belts Are On, Plane Is Taxiing Away From the Gate, We're Running You Through The Safety Procedures" portion of wedding plans. Tonight...seating chart, rehearsal dinner catering, gifts, wedding playlist. It never ends.
All the married women are nodding, "Yep...hmmm...you know that's right."
All the married men are saying, "What's that all about?"
I really wonder what we're going to do with our everyday lives in November.
We're having a great time, just very preoccupied with all our free time going towards Operation October 23rd.
So, since we haven't talked in awhile, I'm going to do a hits and misses. For those who don't know what that is, hits and misses is time for me to praise or rant about things I like or don't like.
For example, a hit is T-minus 10 days until my boy Timmy comes down and we can chow down Four Rivers Barbecue style. Best barbecue place I've ever been to (sorry Rochesterians, it's better than Dinosaur, yep, I said it, that did it, I'm not welcome back, they're putting my picture up at the airport as we speak).
I've written about Timmy before, let's say he enjoys food. Heck, who are we kidding? Timmy can THROW DOWN!!! I saw him just two weeks ago when he came to visit Kristen and I in Cleveland, while we were visiting my new niece Alexis and my brother Kevin and sister in law Angela. Couple things...one, Alexis is cute; only a month and a half old, or as Kevin and Angela would say, Two Weeks Worth of Lost Sleep. She doesn't do much other than sleep during the day and up at night, eat, poop, and make adorable grunts and gurgling noises; she definitely gets that from my brother (when he does it, he's usually trying to get up from the couch after his knees hurt from softball, not the same level of cuteness). Second, when we saw Tim, he THREW DOWN two cheesesteaks like they were an appetizer. I love seeing it. His wife, Jess probably doesn't like that I encourage it, but you know what I say...T-minus 13 days. I can use that excuse for anything right now...it's a total Get Out Of Jail Free Card. I love it! When Kristen gets pregnant, I can use...
"Baby In The Oven" card, anytime I push us through a crowded street, mall or down here, an ice cream shop.
"Sympathy Weight", reason enough to not work out and eat whatever I want. I'm sure that will Kristen feel better.
Anyways, back from Tangentville, when TC comes down, it's on. He loves the barbecue. I'm planning on taking two hours out of my day for lunch to do this. I just hope they don't kick us out of the restaurant, after he goes back up for thirds. I do hope he starts fist pounding the guy who's cutting the meat. Tim, if you could work a fist pump into barbecue visit, I'd be mighty impressed.
Another hit...Timmy for getting so much traffic on my blog, after he posted the "Albert or Otto" poll on a Syracuse fan website. We were leading there for awhile, until Kristen called in the Florida Mafia and 24 hours later, we were down 70 votes. As Kristen put it last night...
Kristen: "Tell Tim he started it and I finished it."
Very distressing. Oh well. I can lean on this interaction we had today...
Me: "Honey, do you know Syracuse (4-1) has a better record than Florida (4-2)?"
Kristen: (silence, Death Stare)...
You can have the vote. We'll take a better winning percentage.
And my last hit to our wedding minister...Eddie from our church, Summit. We met with him last week. We're very excited about what he's bringing to our ceremony. Ask him to do a handstand, he'll do it.
Eddie, here's to hoping you'll learn how to do a handstand in the next 13 days. No pressure or anything. Only counts if you can "stand" for ten seconds. Or if you do it on your way into the ceremony.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading the blog. I really appreciate it. The numbers are way up; over 1500. Keep telling people to hop on. Very exciting.
Now on to some misses...
The new M Night Shyamalan movie, Devil. Don't watch. Not really scary, just stupid. Come on M Night, I keep waiting for a good movie since "I See Dead People", I know you have it in you. Please!!!
The Euros for beating us Americans in the Ryder Cup last weekend. The U.S. came back from four points down, late, to tie it only to lose again. For those who don't understand golf, I know that last sentence meant nothing to you, so I'll translate...We Lost!
The Florida weather for still staying in the low 90s or as Kristen calls it, "Why Do I Bother Doing My Hair When I Just Walk Outside In The Humidity And It Now Looks Like THIS???" time of the year.
Drivers on I-4. There's a reason this is one of the more dangerous highways in the country. Shifting in and out of lanes at 75 in a 55, without a blinker, or a Hand Wave is just irresponsible people. Or the "Crap, I have a quarter mile until the exit, let's go across four lanes of heavy traffic without a blinker" is never a safe move either. Come on, we all have families.
My fantasy auction draft idea for the seating chart for not getting started. I'm telling you this is going to happen, I should write a manifesto on this, so no one steals my secret. I'll write that "to do" down on my ever growing list of "to do's". I'm very passionate about this idea. It can get everyone involved weeks before the wedding.
And that concludes hits and misses for now. If people have something you want me to touch on, I'd be more than happy to do so.
Thanks again! Now, I just need to wake up my crack staff (Tucker)....
WAKE UP!!!!!!!! Oh, look at that, he wants to play ball. Not shocking!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Two Worlds Colliding At A Very High Speed
Congratulations to my buddy Tim, his wife Jessica, their boys Andrew and Matthew for winning The Growing An Orange Contest. A very successful blogger and huge Syracuse fan, Sean Keeley has a website devoted to everything Syracuse athletics related, called Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician at www.nunesmagician.com
He wrote a book called How To Grow An Orange: The Right Way To Brainwash Your Child Into Becoming A Syracuse Fan. Tim decided to submit this photo of his family all in their Syracuse gear. Adding some of the cutest kids in the world certainly helped his chances of winning.
Tim contacted Sean and told him about our little debate going on about our hypothetical future kids...do we grow them up Syracuse fans (clearly the right choice) or Florida fans (unless you want them to get arrested like so many Urban Meyer followers, not named Tim Tebow). In a minute, you will slowly see why I'm becoming more feisty about this.
On my September 5th blog post, here's what I wrote concerning what to do with our future children's sports allegiances up in the air...
"I envision me coming in to the baby's room, slipping a bright Orange onesey onto Baby, giving Baby an Otto The Orange and sneaking back out. Only to find Kristen Crazy Eyes standing at the door with that Kathy Bates' Misery look on her face wondering how I took Albert (The Florida Gator) out of the crib.
Oh, this will be awkward indeed. So, we should make a poll out of it...
When we have kids, do you want an Albert or an Otto? Albert for Florida, Otto for Syracuse.
I feel like we should have political advertisements for their campaigns.
(Shots of Otto kissing babies...shots of Albert playing in an oil spill...with a narrator saying, "Otto loves kids, and has helped make them wholehearted, loving human beings...while Albert has voted 57 times for drilling in the Gulf...who would you want running your Baby's crib?")
Aaahhhh...that should make the voting much easier."
Since then, Otto got a few more votes than Albert.
After Tim got a hold of Sean, he brought along a lot of Syracuse followers going pure orange and voting for Otto. Cuse were up 100 votes.
Today, Kristen saw this as a challenge and contacted Gator Nation, and now she's checking the blog every five minutes, and watching Albert and his dangerous, frightening teeth come back, and they have. Slowly, he's lurking under the water, ready to pounce like a Gator does. Otto's only up 60.
Kristen: "I see this as an underdog and someone's beating me and beating me, but I slowly come back to TAKE THEM DOWN!!!"
Me: "Uhhhh, you know this is for our hypothetical babies, right?"
Kristen: "Sure, SURE, now check the blog again and see how many Gators voted?"
Me: "How did you come back so quickly?"
Kristen: "I'M NOT TELLING YOU...THIS IS WAR!!! I CAN'T TELL YOU MY WAR SECRETS!!!"
So, now Kristen and I have moved up the deadline for this vote. The day of our wedding...18 days. You have 18 days to decide what hypothetical baby wears, which mascot goes in the crib, what school becomes their allegiance...Lovable Otto or Angry Albert.
Remember people, Gators eat people. Oranges give great things like health and Vitamin C.
Let's not let Syracuse down. Let's finish the job and get Otto in that crib.
P.S. Here's a little secret, I really think Kristen's going to have the results of this challenge dictate what is in our "real" kids cribs. Kind of scary...
Like a Gator...SCARY!!! No one wants to be friends with an alligator. People run from them. Oranges, people flock to. Why do you think so many people like Orange Juice? They love oranges. And so do we, go Otto!!!
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